jessewestend

Friday night
fifth day on the job. Including my "day off" I have worked... 57 hours this week. With twelve more waiting for me when the Cock Crows. 69 hours. four months and three weeks to go. Fuck.

I hate my job.
I hate my life.
I hate Tennesse and the people I call my friends.
I hate pretty much everything but my caddy, my brother, and my ashley.

They say I'm too nice to the customers, they call me green pea. They sell, sell, sell themselves all day and I tell myself that I am better than them. But they have told me what it takes. And I know what I would have to do. I want that money, I want it for my new camera, I want my new paint job, I want a NEW apple laptop AND an imac. I want those few things and I want to have enough money to move and not come back. But they say I can't do it. they say I am too soft. That all my dreams are bullshit and once I see money like this, the greed in me will take over and I will be acar salesman for life. That I won't ever leave. In order to prove them wrong I will have to become like them. I will have to give up what I believe in, and you're God Damn right I am going to do it. I'm going to leave them in my tracks and I will sell that fucking storeto the ground. And Just when they say "see, I told you so." I'm going to quit. I'm going to start my car one day, tell them all to go fuck themselves and I am going to drive so far away that I won't even remember those four months (four months during which I will probably make over 10 grand) never happened. I don';t need more, more, more. I just need what I need. a laptop, a car that runs, and a camera. Give me those things and I will find a way to be happy.

by the way, yeah I sold a car. and I made 600 dollars doing it. And I will probably make 1000 more tomorrow. It doesn't change much.

I miss you so much. everytime you go awayit hits me how amazing and rare you are. Love.