jessewestend

for Snow:

I know,
our friendship was in my head
a conversation I held with myself
because I never took the time to ask
about your day, your words, your health whether or not
I met you in a photograph,
and with artwork talked back
brushing away eraser pile after eraser pile
and coming back, always back to your first set
whether or not i ever actually needed to
i still hope that i reached you

you play the model
and i'll play the artist
life is the dark
before it gets darkest.

forget the post card
you can't mail Makers Mark,
car alarms, or one on one
neon clad dance-a-thons,
or the way parking lot garage lights
show our collar bones off.
I call it symmetry,
let them talk.

you play the model
and i'll play the artist
life is the dark
before it gets darkest.

i always told myself
one day, someday,
when i move out west
but i did
and we didn't
despite the best of intentions
our agoraphobic apartment blocks
our WoW wifi prisons,
hold us in place
and prevent real decisions.

you play the model
and i'll play the artist
life is the dark
before it gets darkest.

so we make fake friends
like i made up you
while we wait for real people
to get out of our rooms.
You were never a desire,
a false to make true
you were just another prisoner
lost in your head
i miss that about you.


this is not love.
-Jessewestend