jessewestend

So I guess its time I made a formal announcement of my intent to return to Nashville. I just got off the phone with my best friend and my mom before that and I have to say that I feel great about my decision. I told everyone I wasn't sure if this trip was a move or a vacation. I didn't know how to feel about anything anymore and my allegiances were all over the place. Leaving has definitely cleared up alot of the confusion. Being here has made my time back home make so much more sense to me, I was so caught up in the day to day, the small details that I literally couldn't see the forest for the trees. But now looking back I can see that I have truly been blessed with the friends and family I found slowly after years of searching. I don't have the strength to wade through people again in a search for such amazing people. I have three main reasons for that:

1. I know that they probably don't exist. Me and Jonzee, for example, are who we are because of growing together. You can't find that anywhere. We needed something all those years ago when we met each other but now, as adults, that hunger to find common ground just isn't there. Too many other concerns cloud our thinking and I don't want to pretend that if I met Jones today we would be where we are now in five years.
2. Nashville is my home. From the thunderstorms to the highways, from the honkey tonks to the waffle house, from the heart and soul of American music to the heart and soul of a musician.
and most importantly...
3. I don't need to search for amazing friends because I already have them. To quote Big D and the Kids Table "my friends are Fucking Awesome."

I love this city, San Francisco is magical and beautiful but I am who I am and the feel of the open road,the taste of waffle house coffee, and the sight of my friends and family is by far more welcome to me than any display of architecture or quirkiness...

I'm most certainly not, however, planning to high tail it out of here. I planned on a monumental vacation and that is what I shall have. I'm going to live this separate life as if it were an extended dream and I will play by its rules and rigors until the Summer comes calling and Nashville becomes a destination yet again, rather than a memory.

I will say this, though, it feels as if everyday I grow I older I become less concerned with creating and more and more with celebrating. Its a beautiful world kids and I just want to experience as much of it as I can.