jessewestend

after a full night of customers seeing my photography sitting out and me happily pointing to Ari and saying "that's my girl friend. isn't she amazing? " I get home to no voicemails, no comments, no messages, no emails, no love...

I'm not panning for comments from you guys, or even attention from her, I'm just tired. You know? So fucking tired I can hardly stand up long enough to take my last piss of the day, so sick I can barely brush my teeth without throwing up and... I don't even wanna say "it would be nice after a 14 hour workday to get some love when I get home" cuz thats not what i mean, what I mean...

is I miss her. I have to admit this is all sort of hard. I mean, its not like we are exclusive, she has her life, I have mine... but she is the one I need. Hers is the attention I want. All i can think about is leaving and moving, the weeks are flying by and the time is coming very, very soon.... and a part of me wonders if I could ever get enough attention from her. Just when it seems like its all about to get annoying (me being a strangely solitary person thats not hard to imagine, either) I learn something new and amazing about her that makes me want her even more. I wanna snuggle up with her after work, and when she asks me how night went I want to say ( no matter how horrible it was) "It's great now baby, lets get some sleep."

I love you Big Eyes.

yeah, its true. And I don't care who knows anymore, I think you are amazing and I don't feel like I could ever say enough nice things about you. I hope your photoshoot goes well,

love, JWE.

post script: I'm this tired and yet i just wanna sit here until she signs on, until I know she got my messages and that they made her smile. Oh, dear what is happening to miserly, self obsessed, lonely mr JWE?

And from the moment she said "ilu", some people say his heart grew three sizes bigger that day.