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jeremyejones

Cydonia (Indiana)

Member Since 2005

Followers 544 Following 832

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Tuesday Feb 12, 2008

Feb 11, 2008
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Why I Only Lasted a Year As the Assistant English Professor at DePauw University

J: I've decided to pronounce my last name as "Hhhhhhhhhyo-nez" from now on, starting this very moment.

E: Why?

J: Because it has flair.

E: You already have flair. Also, what's another good word for "demolish?"

J: Destructify.

E: You're very flairful I'm not putting destructify in a newspaper article.

J: Don't suppress my flair! I will smite you! You will be smitten! Or smited! See also: Destructified.

E: The sentence is "rather than demolishing the derelict building" ... I need a better word because I already used 'demolish' once.

J: What's wrong with destroy?

E: Because the building was burnt down rather than demolished. So.. 'destroy' wouldn't work, because it was destroyed... by fire.

J: Burning destroys. It also burns. Sagacious is me!

E: But then the sentence basically reads, "rather than destroying the building, it was burnt." Also, do you have the minimum 37 pieces of flair?

J: I think you should just construct an entirely different sentence.

E: THAT SENTENCE TOOK ME A LONG TIME.

J: Like "That building got knocked the fuck out... by FIRE."

E: I can't say that!

J: Can too. I do it all the time.

E: You can't see me right now, but I have my head in my hands.

J: All through college, I wrote whatever I was thinking in my papers.

E: With that "I think I feel a migraine coming" look. Guess I'll just have to use 'demolish' twice

J: and I got HELLA A's. All the time. And they were always like, "You should be a writer. Come teach my kids. Please also to be taking all my monies and wordly goods. And sex my wife-person."

E: I'm not saying that the house got "knocked the fuck out" by fire.

J: Suit yourself.

E: You are not helpful.

J: Nope. I have destructified your confidence in my helpfulnessosity.

E: ARGH.

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