jerawyn

So today is Wednesday--the day before tax day--the day i had promised myself LAST year that i would be mailing the fuckers in...TODAY. **falls down laughing, wipes tear from eye** No, reeally---i haven't even begun. Why? Because i have a sick addiction to intense stress and love being completely under pressure cause i feel alive. (If i had a paper due i'd always start the night before--type it in the AM and still get an A or B--so i didn't really have any reason to try to change that). Last year i drove around 2 counties looking for an open post office to mail the dang things. Main Post Office in Santa Ana had a line of cars for miles, with police directing traffic. My brother misinformed me that the one in Corona would be open--but it wasn't--so I drove back to Yorba Linda and got that sucker post marked at 11:45pm on April 15th! Whatta rush!

This year a different problem...i can't print ANYTHING as of this morning. I don't to e-file...i want as much time as possible between me and paying the government. this is not a good plan. or rather--i don't have a fucking plan.

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Yesterday i had a massage with my favorite massuse-who i secretly have a terrible "dirty old lady" crush on (he's 21-25 and just darling)...and i think he likes me too...but because i tip well. haha. He's so beautiful i can't look him in the eyes when he smiles--i'm completely disarmed and blushing.

Anyway--i decided that for my friends bachelorette party we didn't want a stripper--'cause there's nothing more disconcerting than a man you have never seen before and don't know, shaking his stuff in your face and you having to pay him money to do it--i asked the massage therapist if he'd do a private party and he said "yeah".

Of course i told him that he may be verbally harrassed my the drunken ladies, but i'd make sure they didn't grab his person (cause if i can't, they can't--is what it really comes down to. lol.)

So imagine if you will, Tom Cuise as Daniel (the massage therapist looks alot like him) thrown into the lions den with 10, thiry-something married women who have been drinking and are completely unsupervised. Dear Lord-he'll be earning that $75 an hour i'll bet ya. When he replyed to the e-mail i sent to make arrangements he says "if you want me more than 3 hours it's no biggie"....riiight...poor lamb--if i don't kick him out at 11pm the lionesses will be feasting i'm sure. I know i would.

Which brings up another point--This country needs some sort of Male Geisha where the men go to parties and get oggled by the women and act charming and we ladies can sit around and be entertained, but not really in an overtly sexual way. But i'd pay extra if there was a plethora of dirty talk involved in the entire evening. But maybe that's just me...