I've never blogged before. I don't really know what to say. I imagine no one will read this and honestly it's probably better that way. I recently was dumped by my girlfriend because I was caught talking to other girls online, Facebook n such. To top it off I was talking to girls who really didn't want to talk to me. My girlfriend freaked and tossed all my shit out of her apartment. I ended up being in a weird position where even though I got dumped. I ended up having to do the final break up with her when she wanted to get back together. I felt that I didn't deserve to be back with her and that I couldn't live with myself if had hurt her again. I believe I have a problem. I have a deep rooted sense of self esteem issues as well as a need to be wanted/needed. Hence why I was talking to other girls while I was in a relationship. My ex's and I my relationship had its own problems as well. Mostly physical, we had very different views on sexuality. I felt like I needed more than what she was willing to give, and I used that as my excuse to do the things I did. Conveniently my buddy had a birthday party over the weekend. I used this as an opportunity to try and numb my feelings. Although I think I over did it. I drank enough alcohol and shoved enough powder up my nose to do a normal person good for a month. I managed to overstwp many boundries with people i love that night. Nearly getting into fights with and stealing girls away from some of my best friends. I feel like ive hit a new low. I ended up spending three days in bed two of which I had to call in sick to work. I've deleted all my social media accounts to try and curb my insatiable need to feel validated through sexually explicit conversation, and have hit a new low of self loathing. In hide sight this is probably not the best avenue for a recovering self diagnosed sex addict to vent, nevertheless it had been written.
