I spent the majority of the day with my alternate family. My friend's parents took in my boyfriend when no one else would. They let me come over at two in the morning when I've had a bad day. They feed me, and always ask me to stay for dinner, even when they hadn't planned on seeing me. So, as I was helping my second mom make easter baskets for everyone, she made an interesting comment.
"I think you're scaring Brendon about the whole marriage thing," she told me. " And besides, you're too young to get married anyway."
So let me make my case here:
First of all, I am terrified of weddings. I hate the little white dresses, and poofy bridesmaid horrors. I don't like planning anything where I'm going to be watched by my family, and thus propmtly judged on my decisions. That's one of the main reasons they know nothing about this site...yet. That's besides the point.
I only began to discuss the marriage option when Brendon brought it up...four months ago today, exactly. On our first date, he started asking me how I would feel about marrying him. Now, for a girl who'd just gotten out of a one and a half year relationship from hell, that was a scary question. I told him to back off a little.
So, as we progressed, he started discussing handfasting as an alternative. Some cultures, the Polish included, see this tradition as more binding than a legal marriage ceremony. So, I'm thinking...um okay.
Brendon and I started sleeping together early in the relationship. I decided I was ready, and he wanted it. My promise to myself, and he knows it, was not to sleep with anyone I didn't plan on marrying...the chaste sweet girl portion of church.
So for four months now, he keeps calling me Mrs. X (I don't think he wants his last name here), and talking about what our kids will be like. So finally, this month I caved. I started asking what kind of ceremony he wanted. I asked if I had to wear a white dress. I started asking so many questions, he now just calls me by my real name after sex.
I called him on it tonight. He got all sheepish and shy, like he does when he thinks he's done something wrong. Its not that I'm mad, I'm just stressed by the mixed signals here. If he wants to get married, let me know. If he wants to drop the subject, so be it.
I have so many things I have to do before I can get married, anyhow. First, I have to graduate college. I need to travel, and get a real job. I need to see exactly what there is for me in this great big country and find my place, since I already know myself.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for Brendon... I wish he'd just tell me what's going on, instead of telling my second mother about it instead.
"I think you're scaring Brendon about the whole marriage thing," she told me. " And besides, you're too young to get married anyway."
So let me make my case here:
First of all, I am terrified of weddings. I hate the little white dresses, and poofy bridesmaid horrors. I don't like planning anything where I'm going to be watched by my family, and thus propmtly judged on my decisions. That's one of the main reasons they know nothing about this site...yet. That's besides the point.
I only began to discuss the marriage option when Brendon brought it up...four months ago today, exactly. On our first date, he started asking me how I would feel about marrying him. Now, for a girl who'd just gotten out of a one and a half year relationship from hell, that was a scary question. I told him to back off a little.
So, as we progressed, he started discussing handfasting as an alternative. Some cultures, the Polish included, see this tradition as more binding than a legal marriage ceremony. So, I'm thinking...um okay.
Brendon and I started sleeping together early in the relationship. I decided I was ready, and he wanted it. My promise to myself, and he knows it, was not to sleep with anyone I didn't plan on marrying...the chaste sweet girl portion of church.
So for four months now, he keeps calling me Mrs. X (I don't think he wants his last name here), and talking about what our kids will be like. So finally, this month I caved. I started asking what kind of ceremony he wanted. I asked if I had to wear a white dress. I started asking so many questions, he now just calls me by my real name after sex.
I called him on it tonight. He got all sheepish and shy, like he does when he thinks he's done something wrong. Its not that I'm mad, I'm just stressed by the mixed signals here. If he wants to get married, let me know. If he wants to drop the subject, so be it.
I have so many things I have to do before I can get married, anyhow. First, I have to graduate college. I need to travel, and get a real job. I need to see exactly what there is for me in this great big country and find my place, since I already know myself.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for Brendon... I wish he'd just tell me what's going on, instead of telling my second mother about it instead.
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Now what I think is going on. He does not want to get married, he wants to fantasize about getting married. When you started to go along he got scared. Everyone wants to think the future is going to be secure and comfortable and to that end we want the relationships we are in to last forever if they are going well. We can get a little shaken up when reality starts to press its way into the fantasy we create and I am guessing that is what happened with him.
Now. you need to be honest with him. Let him know how you feel and what you mean to him, also let him know what you want from your life before you take that walk. Also let him know that he should come to you with his concerns.
A final note, when and if you hit him up with anything, don't expect him to have the answers to questions you have right away. Give him a chance to think about them, anything you have been thinking about asking, he will need as much time to formulate his thoughts and concerns as well.
I wish you well in your endevers. It should be good for both of you.