jennynicole

So... doing wayyy too much thinking today. And I decided that I act far older than I am. People are always fucking telling me that I'm only 18, I can't know what real stress is. And I'm sure when you're over 30, it seems like the life of an 18 year old must seem completely uncomplicated. BUT, its not. I know I don't have to worry about bills yet. I do have to worry about my parents expectations of me though, and I have to worry about the major bills that I am going to have to pay as soon as I'm done with college. By the end of my college career, I will have accrued at least 50000 of debt. All this for a job that I don't even really want. I know that I don't have to make these payments now, but I'm going to have to eventually.. starting in less than 4 years.. and that scares me. Especially with how bad I am with money. I don't know.. I'm just thinking way too much.. and I don't even know if any of this is making sense. I'm just stressed out that I'm growing up so fast. My parents are freaking out cause I'm not guarenteed a full 40 hours every week at my two jobs. And I see all these ppl's away messages all the time.. kids that are my age, and they're working like 15 hours a week and partying the rest of the time, and all I can do is think about how I don't have a life. And how I never really did.. and I never really will. I don't know...its so stupid but I have this overwhelming urge ... I want so badly to be a normal 18 year old. And I know there is no definition of normal.. and whatever is conceived to be normal in this society is actually perfectly fucked up.. and I shouldn't want that at all.. but I can't help it. I do want it. And no, I'm not just so bored that I have too much time on my hands that I'm forced to think of stupid shit like this. It doesn't matter if I have one free hour a day or twelve free hours a day, I think about this all the time. My mind is preoccupied with how much I don't like where my life is headed. So anyways... I'll stop rambling. But for future reference.. please don't tell me I don't know what stress is. The holes in the lining of my stomach prove that i DO know what it is, and that I have far too much of it to handle.