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jennynicole

Cassadaga, NY

Member Since 2004

Followers 34 Following 23

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Monday Oct 23, 2006

Oct 23, 2006
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I can't deal with the possibility of change right now and yet change is attacking me from all directions. Change in school (after graduation in May), change in location (i think i want to move), do I go to grad school or get a job, change in health habits (this NEEDS to be done and I don't think I can commit), change in relationship status. Change is everywhere and I am a control freak and I want to just be satisfied with what I have. I don't want change. I want what I have to be enough. But it isn't. Because I walk around feeling empty when I should be feeling whole. I walk around silently wishing I could scream and get this huge lump in my throat out. I don't think I've ever been so fucking lost in all my life. blackeyed
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
avidity:
i'm glad i'm not the only one who feels that way too. i think that is why we all get along so well. change sucks. i'm right there with you sweetie. if you need anything, don't hesitate. i love your quote....


I am myself. That is not enough.

Oct 24, 2006
gamma:
Honey, you need to take care of your health first and foremost. If you are ailing you aren't going to be able to do any of the other things you have to do (and plus, I know what you're going through...I'm going into gyno-horror land myself). And why do you feel that you aren't going to be able to maintain your control-freak status with all of these things going on? Just by making a decision you are maintaining control. It's when you just sit there and do nothing that you are leaving yourself up to chance.
Keep the faith, hun kiss
Oct 24, 2006

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