edit: on a happier note, my new profile pic is teh hawtness 
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so, last night after i wrote that journal entry, i finally couldn't hold back any longer...
i was talking to _thegrifter_ on the phone, and we were talking about it, and i kept trying to hold it in... because, even though he's a really good friend and it feels really good to talk to him and all, he's still not here, and i wanted the physical contact and comfort... but, i guess you can only bottle something like that up for so long, and i finally cried... i only cried for like a minute. it didn't last long at all, so i'm not sure if it's actually out of my system or not...
i keep trying to say that what happened isn't that bad and i should stop being so dramatic and i should just get over it... but the grifter says i'm only diminishing its importance by saying that and that it was a very important and very traumatic experience... jesus, i really don't want traumatic experiences...
one of the things that really upsets me is that i used to always go to my friend for comfort... we were close, i trusted him, and now... i can't go to him for comfort anymore, not ever, and especially not for this... now i have no one to go to... i lost a good friend; this can never be fixed... he has people to go to, people who hug him... i'm left to deal with this all alone... he's the one that did something wrong, but i'm the one who's alone in dealing with it...
i'd like to thank everyone who left comments and showed their support and all it was very sweet of you, and i appreciate it.
i think this will probably be my last whiny entry about this. unless something happens in the future, i don't think there's anything new i can actually share. he made me a victim, but i don't have to stay a victim. this event didn't ruin my life; i'm not gonna complain about it forever. it's not that it doesn't still bother me, but there are other things going on in my life, too. my life doesn't circle around any of the previous traumatic experiences, and it's not gonna circle around this one, either. i can't tell if i'm being strong here or if i'm actually being weak and trying to hide it by sounding strong... whatever. i don't have friends here, but i do have friends, and i know they'll help me if i need it.
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so, last night after i wrote that journal entry, i finally couldn't hold back any longer...
i was talking to _thegrifter_ on the phone, and we were talking about it, and i kept trying to hold it in... because, even though he's a really good friend and it feels really good to talk to him and all, he's still not here, and i wanted the physical contact and comfort... but, i guess you can only bottle something like that up for so long, and i finally cried... i only cried for like a minute. it didn't last long at all, so i'm not sure if it's actually out of my system or not...
i keep trying to say that what happened isn't that bad and i should stop being so dramatic and i should just get over it... but the grifter says i'm only diminishing its importance by saying that and that it was a very important and very traumatic experience... jesus, i really don't want traumatic experiences...
one of the things that really upsets me is that i used to always go to my friend for comfort... we were close, i trusted him, and now... i can't go to him for comfort anymore, not ever, and especially not for this... now i have no one to go to... i lost a good friend; this can never be fixed... he has people to go to, people who hug him... i'm left to deal with this all alone... he's the one that did something wrong, but i'm the one who's alone in dealing with it...
i'd like to thank everyone who left comments and showed their support and all
it was very sweet of you, and i appreciate it.
i think this will probably be my last whiny entry about this. unless something happens in the future, i don't think there's anything new i can actually share. he made me a victim, but i don't have to stay a victim. this event didn't ruin my life; i'm not gonna complain about it forever. it's not that it doesn't still bother me, but there are other things going on in my life, too. my life doesn't circle around any of the previous traumatic experiences, and it's not gonna circle around this one, either. i can't tell if i'm being strong here or if i'm actually being weak and trying to hide it by sounding strong... whatever. i don't have friends here, but i do have friends, and i know they'll help me if i need it.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
sorry i am just replying now, i haven't had internet (well the use of a web-browser) in well.. weeks! it is all very annoying and i can't really check out SG on campus as i'm sure you know... but anyway... i want you to call me, please! i would call you now, but it is 12am and i don't want to wake you. if you are around and read this before it gets heaps late, please call me. i get home around 10 tomorrow, if you want to talk then. let me be here for you love!! and if you want me to kill him i can do that as well! you know i love you and while i'm small i can still hold you.
take care my love. and smile and call me!!!