jennrose

i am horribly upset, and no one's even going to die for this.

he knew better. he knows me. he knows my issues, he knows my past. and the other day, he royally fucked up. he didn't do something a little bad or kind of bad; he really fucked up. i'm trying not to cry. i didn't cry when he did it, and i'm not going to cry now. i will do what i always do: live with it. what choice do i have? and does he even care? it seems not. at the time, i didn't even act upset about it. i haven't gone off at him for it. i've been trying to just overlook it and not think about it, and yet... it seems like the more time that passes, the worse i feel. that fucking bastard.

dammit i mean it i'm not going to cry about this.

another person i can't trust. really can't trust. can i even think of him as a friend? i'm not sure.

did he comfort me afterwards? was i allowed to feel bad? no, because he broke down and cried, so i had to comfort him. i couldn't yell at him then, i couldn't cry, because it would only make him feel worse, and god forbid i do that. he cries, and i ignore the wrongs he's done and i go and comfort him, like a goddamn fool.

this kind of crap was supposed to have ended. nothing like this was ever supposed to happen again. i already had all these stupid issues to deal with, and he was all like "yeah, i want you to deal with your issues and become better" and what did he do? he added to it. thanks, you fucker. the part of my life where this stuff happens was supposed to be over; i wanted it to be over.

i comforted him. there's no one to comfort me.