jenilynne

Doc said he wants me to go see an oncologist in Chicago as soon as possible.

Rotmensch is one of the best in the Chicago and Midwest area I guess.

I don't know if I should be scared he is making me go ASAP, or if I should feel comforted that he is having me go. I know my doc cares about me, its his job. I've had cancer on and off since I was 14. It plays into the other health issues I have also. If I would just do chemo and get it over with, I would be ok I think. HOWEVER..The way I look at it is, IF I do have cancer again, I will deal with the nausea, vomiting, cold chills, bleeding, all that UNTIL I HAVE to go into the ICU. I'm a fighter, and I'm also very stubborn and thick headed. Don't worry, I won't fall over dead before I decide its proper to go to the ICU.

I have seen what Chemo does. I do not refuse it ONLY becuase I'm vain. It ages your body something FIERCE. It completely destroys your immune system, and ends up being a battle inside your body against itself. I don't want all those chemicals inside me, not just yet. I'm only 22, and there is NO reason that my body shouldn't be strong enough to fight this.

I am still able to work, although I have told my boss about whats going on. He offered to give me as much time as I needed, but I refused. I am not weak, I'm not fraile, not just yet. I can still eat, although sometimes its hard to stomach some things. I walk and talk just fine. I don't LOOK sick. If you saw me on the street, you'd think I was a normal girl, not a care in the world. So for now, I keep fighting. And go see an oncologist to confirm my docs suspicions.

The hardest part of all of this is...