jenbat

Hello all. It's been quite some time. But I'm still alive...mostly. I swear this holiday season has been doing its best to kill me. Work seems especially crazed this year. Thank the gods that theres only like 3 days left of madness! (Egads I hate retail!) So yeah as of late everything that could go bad has been. My family and I are at odds over where I'm going to live and the choices I make. I really wish I could afford to live on my own, but I cant and I dont know anyone who's in a situation to move out and get an appartment with me,so I have to live with one of my parents and I'd rather my dad, but my mom is so not happy about it and since I'm staying with her right now it makes it kinda stressful. My love life is getting VERY strained. My boy and I are on a rollercoaster of sorts. For a while it was getting really good again and then we started getting distant and I thought maybe it was time to let go, but then I changed my mind after I said those awful words. So I told him I didnt really want to break up but at that point I didnt know what else to do. But we're both willing to try and work things out, and for me that counts for something. We're still together but I feel its hanging on by few threads. Which makes me sad cause I love him immensely and I still have hope that it'll work but my brain says prepare for the heartache. Also, my car is being an uber bitch. She apparently doesnt like the cold and will refuse to start in the morning for me when I have to go to work then in the afternoon be fine. Then she just wouldnt start at all. Then she would be fine for a few days and then die again. I've had several people look at her, seemingly fix the problem and then she acts up again. As of yesterday she ran fine all day, but I guess I'll see when I head off to hell, I mean the mall. Money has been stressing me more than the usual holiday amount. It seems life keeps getting in the way. I cant afford to send my sis and nephew their presents, cant afford to get my dad what I wanted to, and cant give my honey what I said I would, when I said I would. And thats even with already discussing with my (job) friends that we'd exchange gifts AFTER xmas. So that makes me feel asstastic. Oh and in January my company goes from weekly to biweekly pay and we've known about it for months and we were told to start saving money cause we'd be going like 3 weeks no pay, and I havent saved dick. So I'm gonna be so fucked, cause this next pay check I have to pay my gym, my insurance, and give my hon the rest of the money for his xmas present. And I say le sigh! To top it off I'm having some friend issues that are not necessarily all bad, but definately troubling. Maybe more confusing? I dont know. Things are just crazed all around. My head is all full of wonky and my days are far to long and I get so caught up in everything and its making me want to pull my hair out and tear down the street screaming.

Ok enough with the crazy/sad girl.

Heres some good. Probably in March or so, my sis and I are taking a trip to London! So that will be super cool. We've been talking about this trip for years and it looks like we'll finally be able to go through with it and Im very excited about it. I havent been to another country since I was a toddler and I really dont remember much about it. Plus it'll be super sweet to hang out, just me and my sis for like a week. I love my sister, she's so awesome! She's my Wonder Woman and I think she rocks and I adore spending time with her. So definate bonus time! Also by March, I should be living with my dad, and possibly on my own cause he might be leaving for deployment as early as Feb. So I might actually get to enjoy the comforts of living on my own without all the responsibility which I also think will rock. Im also hoping that my life will have very much calmed down and sorted itself by March, so all in all I am looking to the future, for there in lies my happiness!

I hope everyone is less crazy than I and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season!!!!!

Later daze