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jenbat

Well I guess its Jax FL now....

Member Since 2004

Followers 20 Following 38

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Friday Aug 06, 2004

Aug 6, 2004
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Ever feel like your life is on repeat? Like you keep having the same arguments, the same misunderstandings, the same shitty feelings? Like nothing you do makes it any better? It doesnt change so much as it dissipates only to rise again another shitty day? I try to make things better I really truly do, but it feels like its just not enough. I cant seem to pin it down fix it and move on. My boyfriend and I are going through a hard time. We argue so much lately. I've chalked it up to normal standard stupid relationship bickering, but he feels its more, so it must be. Sometimes we fight over stuff that we both feel is stupid, sometimes he doesnt understand why we're fighting and sometimes I dont even know we're fighting. I love him so so much, but he is so stubborn and difficult to understand sometimes. I try to keep him happy but... he doesnt view the world as i do and sometimes thats really hard for me. He'll say or do someting that i find hurtful and he sees it as something else entirely and it causes conflict. *sigh* I'd say 90 % of the time he makes me soo happy and everything is so great. We have fun and laugh and take care of each other and have a really good relationship. But lately we keep arguing about the same stupid bullshit and its starting to wear thin. Im not the person i was before him, but there is a flicker of her inside of me that screams things at me that would make things so much worse. I feel like if im just patient and thoughtful and not be so rash and look at things deeper than the surface, things can get better. I know he loves me. I've never questoined that. But sometimes I have wondered just how much....ahhhh! For fucks sake there is so much going through my head right now and I feel physically ill, I'm wide awake i cant fucking sleep. i just wish i knew how to make things right for both of us. i hate feeling so goddamned lost and confused and perpetually hurt! i guess tomorrow is another day and another chance at being happy.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
rhianne:
OK.....stop.....breathe.......

Sometimes people love each other, and get on each other's fuckin nerves. Honest.....

This is from someone who has been married to the same guy for 8 years.

8 years.....is a long time lol.

Rule number one....don't say stupid mean stuff to each other that you don't mean....words are really hard to take back.

Rule number two ... name calling is stupid, and serves absolutely no purpose at all.

Rule number three ... oh hell, i'm outa advise lol. I just know we agreed on that stuff because we were both in relationships before and know that stuff doesnt work, doesnt solve anything, and doesnt do anything but chip away at the love you share.

That being said:

Strippers are good at Dollhouse for nudeness, and Wacko's for non nude.....depends if you wanna drink or not smile
Aug 9, 2004
lolobg:
Your postings on my PSW thread are what led me here, now your journal posting is drawing me in as well. I understand everything you're saying -- I really hear it.

First, and most important, relationships are just that -- relations. No one is ever going to get someone 100% of the time. It is impossible to relate to someone all the time. On every level. Come on, even that would get annoying! wink

But really, I've been with my man for six years and it can be TUFF. And there can be a lot of questions. I honeslty live by ONE rule ~ if the good outweighs the bad, it is totally worth it. If the bad begins to outweigh the good, take a step back and worry then. You posted that you are happy 90% of the time. I'd say that's worth it. Just chill out, and when you look at him next, think of the cutest thing he's ever said to you. Trust me, it will make you want to hug him! (And more love )

Second, PSW. I have never had anyone explain it so close to how I feel. I know it's "stupid" to look back to high school, but come on. Who doesn't. And I imagine that I must have been happier and more confident because i was "hot." But really, I thought I was fat then just as much as I do now. And I was alone. And I was afraid of the future. And i was immature and ignorant on so many levels. I'd say I'm much hotter now! HOWEVER that does not stop me from wishing wishing wishing that I will wake up a size 10. It is easy to believe that my life would then be perfect.

At the same hypocritical time, I am so pro-woman, and pro-curves, etc. that I make myself sick. How can I promote beauty at all sizes when I barrate myself and dream of being 50 lbs lighter?

It's a tough fight. Glad (kinda sad) to know others out there feel the same way.

I'm Laura, by the way, or loloBG! Nice to meet you! smile
Aug 12, 2004

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