jen

I've been listening to a lot of music lately that shaped my core being, the music that was around my neck during high school (in class, out of class) to hopefully try and regain some insight to why I am the way I am. Tripping Daisy, Blind Melon, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Mudhoney, Green Day, Alice in Chains, the list goes on. So far there has been no groundbreaking revelations, but this music sure does make me feel good.

I remember exactly where I was standing and my surroundings when I first heard that Kurt Cobain died. And then the next day at school, I skipped all of my classes and sat in the hallway and listened to music on my walkman in his memory, and a girl that I'd never spoken to before came and sat down beside me and did the same thing. The only dialog between the two of us is when she offered me a pill of sorts to make the day 'numb'.

And then came the slew of biographies and unauthorized books and memoirs that came out after his death. I remember thinking how silly it was... and then I went out and bought almost every single one. During my reading of Never Fade Away, I decided I was going to Seattle to pay tribute, because it was somewhere I'd never been, and a city that has produced so much of the music that I've grown up with... well, it has to be an amazing place.

And I did, the next year, I went down to Seattle. I was only there for a day, but I remember how surreal it was. It didn't seem any different than any other place, but I'm standing on the street thinking, 'Jesus, how many of my favourite musicians have walked past the exact spot I'm standing right now?' It was an amazing thing for such a young, optimistic mind. And that was the first time I'd ever done something on my own for my own reasons, not someone elses, and I think that was the defining moment.

I'm just not sure who I should be thanking in what order... Kurt Cobain, Nirvana, Mudhoney, maybe Sub-Pop or Seattle?...