There's a kid at work right now that I see a lot of my younger self in. Don't get me wrong, his situation is way more difficult than mine ever was; but when I see how difficult it is for him to fit in with the other boys (and girls), and see how awkward he is around them, and see all the genuine acts of kindness he does to try and help them when they need it and be liked by them, and when I see the ways the other kids usually respond to all that, I'm reminded all too much of my own early and mid teenage years.
The difference, of course, is that I was dealt an incredibly fortunate hand to be born into my family, whereas this kid spent his whole life thinking that his grandparents were actually his parents, and only learned the truth when his "mom" (grandmother) recently died and his "dad" told him that his real mother was a drug addict who never had anything to do with him. And now that his grandmother has died, his grandfather (remember, who had raised this kid to believe that he was his father) gave him a few hundred dollars and then told the judge at a recent court hearing that he no longer wanted to care for this kid.
To be bluntly honest, I have no idea how to process this. I'm doing my best for this kid, and I've taken a sort of special interest in him, but honestly, all I can feel when I think about him is sadness. And a bit of loneliness, too, though I can't quite identify why. When I think about the hurt this kid must be going through, on multiple levels, I almost can't take it. I never thought I would get to a point where I was faced with a situation I couldn't handle, but this one is getting close. Which of course makes me even more determined to find some way to help, but right now, I just don't know. I don't know.
So all I feel like I can do is talk about it on places like this one, because at least here (as opposed to my notebook), I'm not the only one who will ever read it. I think this one situation might be enough to make me try therapy again (assuming whatever therapist I end up choosing doesn't quit their practice entirely after meeting with me for a few months... again....)
The difference, of course, is that I was dealt an incredibly fortunate hand to be born into my family, whereas this kid spent his whole life thinking that his grandparents were actually his parents, and only learned the truth when his "mom" (grandmother) recently died and his "dad" told him that his real mother was a drug addict who never had anything to do with him. And now that his grandmother has died, his grandfather (remember, who had raised this kid to believe that he was his father) gave him a few hundred dollars and then told the judge at a recent court hearing that he no longer wanted to care for this kid.
To be bluntly honest, I have no idea how to process this. I'm doing my best for this kid, and I've taken a sort of special interest in him, but honestly, all I can feel when I think about him is sadness. And a bit of loneliness, too, though I can't quite identify why. When I think about the hurt this kid must be going through, on multiple levels, I almost can't take it. I never thought I would get to a point where I was faced with a situation I couldn't handle, but this one is getting close. Which of course makes me even more determined to find some way to help, but right now, I just don't know. I don't know.
So all I feel like I can do is talk about it on places like this one, because at least here (as opposed to my notebook), I'm not the only one who will ever read it. I think this one situation might be enough to make me try therapy again (assuming whatever therapist I end up choosing doesn't quit their practice entirely after meeting with me for a few months... again....)
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
desdmonia:
Wow. Yeah therapy would probably help with this job you've got now. I would not be able to deal with seeing so much tragedy, but I commend you for fighting the good fight <3 Sending you lots of love 
I do love your updates, even if they are not always happy.. it gives me hope that you are still out there helping these kids.
I do love your updates, even if they are not always happy.. it gives me hope that you are still out there helping these kids. 
laurelin:
thanks for the powerbomb advice!! I definitely need to work on that. It's tough working with the group of girls I do since we are all so inexperienced. They're all self taught, and mainly we all just roll around and toss a few cool moves in here and there. So that powerbomb was off like, one week's practice that was basically watching a YouTube video, ha! Now that I'm having proper training I'm pumped to get back out there and improve 