So I really wasn't sure if I should write about this or not, but what the hell. So there's a girl at my shelter who has a thing for me -- and I won't lie, I am attracted to her, but I would never do anything while I'm a staff member there, and I especially wouldn't take advantage of her emotional instability right now. She has a two year-old boy, who is damn smart, much like her. She as born into a shitty situation -- parents were addicts and could never help her -- otherwise, she could have been a lawyer or whatnot.
Anyway, her husband fell off the face of the earth this summer, and she returned to my shelter with only her kid. She didn't have anyone else in the world, really, and we became friends. I knew she had a thing for me, and I won't try to claim that I felt nothing at all for her. Rumors got around, of course, but I got by.
Then her husband came back, because he had nowhere else to go. She's much, much different when her husband is around. Quicker to anger, doesn't think beore she acts -- really, he's nothing but trouble for her. So tonight they both got kicked out of the shelter because they both COMPLETELY overreacted to a simple situation. Long story short, we had to call the cops, her husband threatened to kill the shelter manager, and now they're out on the streets with their kid and they have nowhere to go.
They had enough money for a hotel tonight, but that's it. Again, I'm not going into full detail here, but I did something that I know is right but I think I shouldn't have done anyway. I gave them $120 so they could afford their room for a second night. Tomorrow will only be colder, and I don't want to think about them -- and especially their kid -- sleeping outside in this weather. They're both very goo at burning bridges, and maybe I should have let them see the consequences of that, but my conscience got the better of me. I've been studying Les Miserables too much lately....
So now I'm wondering if I should have done that. I gave them a lecture about not going off the rails like that in the real world, but I don't know if it got through or not. Really, I haven't described this very well -- I'm tired, it's late, and I'm too upset/dispapointed/concerned to really relive all this shit again. But you get the picture.
I don't know if I did the right thing or not. All I do know is that this girl had a real chance to get out before her husband came back -- she was in school, had a job lined up, and a better job on the horizon. Now, because of one incident that happened in the blink of an eye, all that may be gone. There are far too many success stories in my shelter, and I genuinely thought she would be one of them. Now, who knows.
Yet again, I feel absolutely defeated. I'm tired of this feeling.
Anyway, her husband fell off the face of the earth this summer, and she returned to my shelter with only her kid. She didn't have anyone else in the world, really, and we became friends. I knew she had a thing for me, and I won't try to claim that I felt nothing at all for her. Rumors got around, of course, but I got by.
Then her husband came back, because he had nowhere else to go. She's much, much different when her husband is around. Quicker to anger, doesn't think beore she acts -- really, he's nothing but trouble for her. So tonight they both got kicked out of the shelter because they both COMPLETELY overreacted to a simple situation. Long story short, we had to call the cops, her husband threatened to kill the shelter manager, and now they're out on the streets with their kid and they have nowhere to go.
They had enough money for a hotel tonight, but that's it. Again, I'm not going into full detail here, but I did something that I know is right but I think I shouldn't have done anyway. I gave them $120 so they could afford their room for a second night. Tomorrow will only be colder, and I don't want to think about them -- and especially their kid -- sleeping outside in this weather. They're both very goo at burning bridges, and maybe I should have let them see the consequences of that, but my conscience got the better of me. I've been studying Les Miserables too much lately....
So now I'm wondering if I should have done that. I gave them a lecture about not going off the rails like that in the real world, but I don't know if it got through or not. Really, I haven't described this very well -- I'm tired, it's late, and I'm too upset/dispapointed/concerned to really relive all this shit again. But you get the picture.
I don't know if I did the right thing or not. All I do know is that this girl had a real chance to get out before her husband came back -- she was in school, had a job lined up, and a better job on the horizon. Now, because of one incident that happened in the blink of an eye, all that may be gone. There are far too many success stories in my shelter, and I genuinely thought she would be one of them. Now, who knows.
Yet again, I feel absolutely defeated. I'm tired of this feeling.
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I was associated with a small battered women's defense group now many years ago and would aometimes be asked by the staff to go and escort a woman and her kids (usually) who was affraid to leave the home and go to the safe house by herself. It was rare that I actually had any feelings beyond my commitment to help out but on two occassions (sp?) I became interested in the outcome and both times the outcome was less than stellar. It hurt, but for me a realization developed that much as I truly wanted to be able to save these people it was not up to me to make the choices that would provide the possibility of a desireable outcome. In short, even when I thought (or felt) it was about me it wasn't about me. Does that make any sense?
Thanks for giving a damn and for what its worth I am proud of you.
Good to hear from you and looking forward to getting back in touch.