jekyllandhyde

I have a lot of conversations in my head. I always have, even since I was a kid. I created people, usually either real people or fictional characters from movies or books, that I talked to in my head. There was never just one, and it usually wasn't someone I personally created, like the vintage imaginary friend. I imagined them by my side and I could explain myself and my actions to them, and they would always understand. When I was younger I know why I did it; I was a depressed kid and I was always very insular. But I still do it now.

In many ways, my life is great now. I've been very fortunate, all things considered, and I know my life could be massively worse than it is. But at certain times (mostly when I've been drinking, but even when I'm stone sober) I still create my own versions of real or fictional people and have entire conversations with them. I suppose I can excuse it, being a writer and all, but when I step back from everything, it does seem a bit strange.

What's even stranger is that I feel more comfortable talking (er, typing) about this on SG, with people I know only via cyberspace, than with people in person I've known for much longer. In a way, I trust my friends on here with this sort of stuff more than my friends here in Austin. Maybe that's because most of the people who actually respond to these little blogs of mine are at least somewhat like-minded to me. In any event, I feel comfortable writing about this sort of stuff here. Maybe I knew what I was doing after all when I signed up here.

And an ADDENDUM: When the fuck did I start developing insomnia? I didn't used to stay up until 4:00 AM, even when I had a life. Maybe that's the problem.