jeffvader

well what the fuck do you know about that?

i just renewed my subcription to sg for a fucking year. and i don't know why. i'm hardly ever here. well that's not true. i'm always checking on the beautiful girls and my friends (that is when they actually respond). and i guess the news is interesting when it doesn't seem like the reporter is talking...
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nightmares and hallucinations...gotta love life's little ticks

i woke up once this morning:3:30am

then i woke up again: 5am

the first was hallucination related. the second, fucking nightmare related. my hallucinations are weird. i always seem to be paralyzed and someone is either atttacking me, crawling in bed with me or hovering over me. and i'm always in bed: half asleep and half awake. my...
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is it just me or is it a bitch to update myspace?

so, i'm on myspace now as jeffvader and i don't like it. i have a "friend" on there that never comments in my journal or on my page...why? because, i guess i'm not that good of a christian, if i'm a christian at all. i'm a more radical person than i was before...when she knew me i was probably a close- minded pseudo-catholic. my brother...
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....

november...wow. where did the year go? my neighbor took down her halloween decorations and put up one christmas decoration...i'm in the middle of cheating my way thru doom 3...the game is really scary still. i know, i'm a wuss.

i've managed to strain my back again. at least i can walk...i thot it was my kidneys at first but it's my back. it hurt so...
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i can't stop thinbking about doughnuts.

i think i have a kidney infection.

i'm thinking of moving to l.a. to become an actor before i go broke...and where else would you want to go broke but l.a...

edited for rosa. see below



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good night rosa and thanks for everything. i heard this pastor speak in church one day. he said,

the one thing you will never hear me say is that i'm ashamed of my country. i love my country.

(this was on the fourth of july, no less.) i love my country too. it's a beautiful place but at an...
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fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck....

what am i going to do with the rest of my life?

i want a better job.

i want to finish reading all the books i've collected before i die.

i want love...

i want firends who are home when i call them and they answer the phone...

i want a better body...

i need a cleaner, more organized apartment...