so, i'm on myspace now as jeffvader and i don't like it. i have a "friend" on there that never comments in my journal or on my page...why? because, i guess i'm not that good of a christian, if i'm a christian at all. i'm a more radical person than i was before...when she knew me i was probably a close- minded pseudo-catholic. my brother doesn't even know who i really am or what my beliefs are now. if he did he probably wouldn't like it which is tough shit...i want to be free from judgement but when you have conservative christians for friends and family, all you're bound to get is judgement.

so are you saying that you are gay jeff?

no, but i believe in equal rights for everyone. i see what racism has done to this country and to the world abroad. but the battle that GLBT people face today is no different than what blacks and all other minorities dealt with in this country so many years ago and it makes me ill when i hear homophobic invectives spewed forth from the pulpit and in public discourse (i hope i used that word correctly). i really do feel ill when i hear my brother talk shit about one of our family members, like he is some how better than them...

why don't you stick up for them, jeff?

because i don't want to fight what seems like a pointless fight. they're never wrong you see because they have the word of god and you can't go up against the word of god .that's why i've danced on the line between buddhism and christianity. both are esoteric in their own way but buddhism seems to make your head "smaller" than christianity which seems to blow up your head...and your ego.

you have to do what you think is right, jeff. even if that means losing friends...