jeffvader

i feel woozy...

i just paid close to $350 for a prescription...time for a new job, shit...where is my new job???!!!!

i just applied for a flight attendant job...hopefully they don't discriminate against big boys ( fat people....shhh! don't tell anyone that i'm fat )

people that have crossed my path while i was working...:

james brown
john paul jones
some guy whose first name was reader
ronald mcdonald
rick hertz
some guy whose first name was welcome
some guy whose last name was nicewonger

none of these people were famous or wearing a clown suit

had a crap interview yesterday...it was a telemarketing and commission based job

the gateway...

so, my thots of tripping the light fantastic in amsterdam has been hampered again...a friend of mine from high school is hooked on drugs. i don't know what started her...
but, i do know about the so called gateway-drug theory about marijuana...i was really sad when i heard about my friend...something in me still wants to go to amsterdam just to get away,...
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fuck i just erased my entry about how i called in sick yesterday but i wasn't that sick...i feel like a boob


edit at 9:59 p.m.
i had a little food poisoning from some homemade sushi (shrimp)...i had the squirts really early in the morn...around 2 or 3a.m. i remembered that i forgot to take my medication thus i wasn't sleeping...if i took my pill...
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squibble dibble

nothing....having second thots about the amsterdam trip...if i do go, i probably won't be able to smoke pot since i am planning to find a new job. mostly likely the new job will have a drug test...i feel like saying fuck it and just go and hope it leaves my system after a month or so...does anyone know how long it takes for...
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why is it i feel like i have a sign on my fore head that says "abuse me"?

it's really not worth going into...i'm trying to be the duck's back and just let the water roll off. but, i am tired of being "the nice guy": the one who does whatever someone says. i've been talked down to most of my life...well, it feels like...
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i saw a man today who was so fat that he actually waddled as he walked.

my first thot when i saw him was:

fuck, that's one big motherfucker!

my second thot was:

what kind of heart ache did this guy go thru in his life to get that huge.

my third thot was:

i could be that guy. maybe not as big....shit i'm big...
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.....

isn't it great to put on an old pair of jeans and they fit?

and so the beat goes on...the search for more...the search for a career...the search for love....the....


i will love it when the fall comes...i am tired of the fucking heat....i wonder what it's like in amsterdam this time of year

work is good....no one i can really call a friend yet but the people are nice.

she takes my money/ when i'm in need....yeah, she's...
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