jebcook

I used to have all this inspiration and zest for life. I used to want to understand every gear switch and mechanism. I used to want to paint the smiles and tears on the expressionless mannequins' circumnavigating the pathways paved for them. I used to love her. I had so much passion and now I'm dark. I learned over the last few years that life is not short, It's very long. It's very pretentiously long, and someday I definately want to leave this world.

I'm trying to just pinpoint the feelings I have when overwhelming emotion invades. Instead of this elaborate painting of doom when emotion's enter the mind, I'm stopping the imagination wandering and telling myself what I really feel with one word. If someone intimidates me and I imagine an experience gone sour with someone similar in my past or me sinking my teeth into that person's throat, I stop and say the word insecurity to myself. Or if I'm thinking of people and situations from this coupled years of HELL I've had, I just tell myself: anger, fear, sadness or resentment, or whatever the root emotion that exists. That way I'm not running from the real emotion. It stills me and gets me to really admit to myself what I'm feeling.

There's no one else in the world exactly like me, but I don't know where the pride, confidence and ability to be happy went. All I know is DAMN the imagination. It's over rated and no one knows how to deal with me these days. At least I got art and knowledge.