jdpatriot

Broke up with my girlfriend, but she thinks we're on a "break"

Okay, hold up. Time to explain some shit before I go any further.


She is crazy. I love her, she's incredible. She knows how to fuck, she knows how to love, she's smart, clever, intuitive, deep, passionate, and absolutely gorgeous to the point of heartbreak.

Unfortunately, she has no idea how to make another person feel loved... or at least she never showed me that side of her. She'd start fights simply so that we could fight, and i'm not down with that 6th grade bullshit. I gave her everything I could and she just wanted more. I'd crawl into bed 2 hours after her, because I have an enormous workload, then kiss her good night say "sweet dreams" and she'd only get pissed for waking her up. There's plenty more but it's unimportant.

Now that I said to her that it wasn't working, she assumed I broke up with her. So I said yes, it's over. and she said, oh it's sooooo over. or some shit like that. Then we spent the next 3 hours talking with her breaking down every once in a while saying how she loves me.

I'd love to be with her. I understand i have my faults, but until she can act like she's in love; until she can forget about the petty, unimportant shit, it wont work and I don't have time for it. I do NOT want to be 5 years down the line thinking "wow, that shit was fucked up" and I do NOT want to fight with my lover every night. Yes, disagreements occur but she'd get melodramatic or angry over the slightest little detail.

Uhm, I don't have time for that fucking bullshit. Everyone gets grumpy once in a while. That's no excuse to act like that all the time, and no excuse to treat your lover like shit.

Fucking hell, the more you want to fall in love the more difficult it becomes.

So the next day I clean up my shit, scrub my apartment all day long. I make the best dinner I can, even put flowers on the table. Set it up perfect. It was a beautiful day... sun shining, 70-80 degrees with a cool breeze blowing in from vermont... or some shit like that. poured wine... then brought her over.

She ate with me. I told her I really wanted to be with her if she's willing. She said "i'll have to think about it" and never talked to me about it since. So now I hear through the rumor mill that she thinks we're on a break.

But then, that's always how it is. I hear about her feelings from her friends, never from her because she never tells them to me.

Childish.

Well, I feel like shit but i'll be better in a few days. It's sad to see a relationship with such potential end but it was hurting both of us, being a negative influence on both of our lives. She didn't need it and I definately didn't need it.

I want someone who's going to show me love or at the very least gratitude when I give them my heart. None of the half-assed bullshit. People do everything half-assed, they shouldn't love half-assed. Whatever you do, whether it's the one-night stand or the 50 year marriage, go all out and don't hold back because there's nothing else in the world that will make you feel less lonely then sex if you approach it right. There's plenty of well deserved hate in the world. Perhaps the way to change it is with some well deserved love.

Ugh. I hate sounding like an idealist. Too bad I am one.