jcup

Tough start for a week. Im now in diversion, which is classes=info class/group therapy that is madatory for my dui. It's costing me allmost as much as I make. So, needless to say, rent/food/etc. are taking a beating and not making ends meet. I feel like this is the hardest year of my life. The last few years has beaten me up and changed me as a person. I do live a healthier life as far as not making mistakes, staying away from drugs and alcohol, and basicly being a better person. What has suffered has been my hope, my drive for a great life, my innocence. I now find myself trying to be positive and see the light at the end of the tunnel, but all I see is darkness and confusion. I dont see a possibility for my life getting better. It's like looking at stains and tears in fabric and knowing that they'll never come out. That the fabric is ruined for good and should be discarded. I live for survival and dream of a clean slate and a new begining. The problem is getting worse. Stress is literally hurting my health both physically and mentally. Without time, money, and freedom I cant remedy this situation. There are so many factors in this equation that makes it impossible to fix. I know this... I try...I fight...I survive. And for now, that's all I can do. It's been said that extreme hardships and horrible events can make people stronger, happier, and more creative people in the end. If this is all a lesson Im suppose to learn to become a better person then I think I've learned my lesson. My wish for the day/year/life is for freedom. Freedom to live a happy and full life. To have a peace of mind. To find tranquility would be a godsend. So, here's to hoping my wish gets granted.