jcup

Todays thoughts:

I dont want fate to decide my life for me. I want control and the opportunity to do more with my life. I keep running into walls and I want to be able to go over or around the obsticles.

I need sleep, space, time, and progress. All of those are out of my hands to control right now, but I need to make some kind of progress or change to make them happen.

I need to change my job situation and income very soon. After I get my OLCC card and FH card Im going to apply for different jobs immediately.

By the end of this year I want a clean slate. A clean slate and to be in control of my life.

By this fall I want to decide what I want to do specificly and start doing it. It's funny when you're a kid you naturally do what you love... for me (skateboarding, music, art)...but when you get older you give those up because you have responsiblities, stress, no time and you do things you hate because you think working doing something you hate is the RIGHT? thing to do.

We've been taught wrong. If the way you live feels wrong and perferse then that's not naturally the way you're suppose to live. I dont want to do work I hate to make money that means nothing. I want to do what I love to live the way I want that makes me happy. That's not being irresponsible or being affraid of work. I'd work hard for what I love. That's natural and in my opinion the only thing worth working for...what you love.

My head was getting fucked and my heart was getting darker. But a little bit of clarity and a pin hole of hope is making things sustain.