Man it is crazy hot in P-town today. It's been hot all week but my studio is like a fucking oven...even with two fans on high. The fans are just pushing around the heat. Thats no good.
Today I got to be alone for the first time in a while. It was a good thing and a bad thing. I did alot of thinking which always turns out just that= good and bad. Im really ready for a change. I was thinking about that commercial on depression..."Do you feel alone?... "(yep) "Anxiety bother you often..."(yep) "Do you feel that you have no control of the things in your life" (Hell yes) "Do you feel that there's noone you can talk to..."(basicly) "Then you may be suffering from Depression. There is a better way...(enter drug advertisement here) So that sums it up. I feel like no matter how hard I try things arent changing for the better. When there's a slight glimpse of hope and I feel positive that things will be good again...Nope. I feel like I am trying as hard as I can and that there's nothing I can do to make things better. Like Im a soldier trying to get through this war of negativitey but Im stuck in the mud and there's noone there to help or give a fuck whether Im trying or make it or anything.
I just got off the phone with a good friend of mine. We were talking about how four years ago none of us would have thought that all of our lives would be like this. We have all gone through so much shit and have become worse than we ever thought. We were so innocent and happy and had so much fun. We should have enjoyed and apreciated those good times more. We all want to have that happiness again, but now we all have alot of problems in our lives to deal with. Now we dont smile or have hope and excitement in our eyes like we use to. Addiction, Depression, Deaths, and Heartache has killed that innocense.
Everyone has fallen to the wasteside and its sad. I just want to be like that again. I want to be surrounded by positivity and enjoy life. I want support and a change. I cant pull everyone out of the mud without being pulled in. So I figure one day we will all be soldiers standing on dry ground looking at the sun and each other smiling with the remains of mud on each other... or eventually I'll be alone on dry land looking at the mud with a tear in my eye before I walk away from all that didnt make it. Question is...when do you let go?
So that's my question for you this journal. My answer? I dont know.
Today I got to be alone for the first time in a while. It was a good thing and a bad thing. I did alot of thinking which always turns out just that= good and bad. Im really ready for a change. I was thinking about that commercial on depression..."Do you feel alone?... "(yep) "Anxiety bother you often..."(yep) "Do you feel that you have no control of the things in your life" (Hell yes) "Do you feel that there's noone you can talk to..."(basicly) "Then you may be suffering from Depression. There is a better way...(enter drug advertisement here) So that sums it up. I feel like no matter how hard I try things arent changing for the better. When there's a slight glimpse of hope and I feel positive that things will be good again...Nope. I feel like I am trying as hard as I can and that there's nothing I can do to make things better. Like Im a soldier trying to get through this war of negativitey but Im stuck in the mud and there's noone there to help or give a fuck whether Im trying or make it or anything.
I just got off the phone with a good friend of mine. We were talking about how four years ago none of us would have thought that all of our lives would be like this. We have all gone through so much shit and have become worse than we ever thought. We were so innocent and happy and had so much fun. We should have enjoyed and apreciated those good times more. We all want to have that happiness again, but now we all have alot of problems in our lives to deal with. Now we dont smile or have hope and excitement in our eyes like we use to. Addiction, Depression, Deaths, and Heartache has killed that innocense.
Everyone has fallen to the wasteside and its sad. I just want to be like that again. I want to be surrounded by positivity and enjoy life. I want support and a change. I cant pull everyone out of the mud without being pulled in. So I figure one day we will all be soldiers standing on dry ground looking at the sun and each other smiling with the remains of mud on each other... or eventually I'll be alone on dry land looking at the mud with a tear in my eye before I walk away from all that didnt make it. Question is...when do you let go?
So that's my question for you this journal. My answer? I dont know.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Sometimes all you can do is let go and let others step in, because maybe you weren't mean to be the one saving that person, and they'll only drag you down with them.
Don't let it take you under! If you do it'll be long ways to go before you get back on track. Take my word for it.
That's all I wanted 2 say.
ps you're welcome :-)