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jcup

mom's couch, AKreprazent

Member Since 2002

Followers 23 Following 42

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Friday Mar 12, 2004

Mar 11, 2004
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So in a little more than 24 hours I'll be in Seattle. I've been anticipating going back for the last 6 months. It's finally gonna happen. That's the good news for the week. There's tons of bad news. Im tired of talking about it though. I figure that I can only do what I can do, so no need to fuck my head up worrying ALL the time. Im gonna worry regardless, but making a conscious effort not to dwell on it helps alot. Takes alot of control though. Im trying hard to see the beauty in life. I feel like Im sinking but Im trying to keep looking at the sky and remember that there's light. Being in a relationship makes it hard cuz I feel like I have to be strong for both of us. I dont feel like whining or bitching. I just want a little fuel to remind me of why I try and why it will be worth it, ya know? Just some incentive to keep my head up and troop through the shit. It's funny cuz when we do tell people our bad luck they're fuckin amazed at how fucked it is and has been. It's like a bad story that doesnt end. There's no advice or anything anyone can do. It's just horrible circumstances keep happening. I feel as though this is a test. A test of my soul, determination, and endurance. I've been through alot of shit that most people couldnt handle but Im still here, and that's what matters. I'll fight, and I'll stand. I just want to stop fighting and feel at peace pretty soon. I've deserved that. Well that's my venting for the last 6 months. It's good to write and clean your mind when it's clogged up.

So, now that I've burdened those who have read this far with my ranting It's time for the questions of the day...

1) What was your new year's resolution and how are you doing with it?
(mine= improve and progress my life constantly. Im holding in there)

2) If you were part of a dynamic duo superhero couple who would be your superhero partner?
(Mine would be my gf because she's tuff and fun and can kick some ass, plus she'd look hot in the outfit.)

3)Are you a dog person or a cat person and why?
(Cat, because they arent as needy or messy and are elegant and have style, plus you have to earn their respect)
mislaid:
Its amazing how much that journal entry sounded like me a couple of years ago. My freshman year of college was tough...so many things kept happening and I hit the darkest of dark places. I felt lost, helpless, sad, confused, frustrated, etc. and I just wanted a break. I wanted peace and tranquility within myself...and I couldn't remember how that felt. Its funny cause when you are up, you can't remember how it felt to be down, and when you are down, being up seems like a distant memory. Personally I got the help that I needed and, after a few years of struggling, am at a wonderful place in my life. One thing that helped, was that I became selfish. I disassociated with the people that brought me down, focused on doing things that I wanted to do, and moved to Hawaii. Three things that made me the happy person that I am today.

Hang in there, and don't be afraid to talk to your girlfriend about how you feel, and your weaknesses. if you can't talk to her about it, who can you? Or maybe get a psychologist. I strongly believe that everyone should go to therapy! To have someone to talk to that doesn't judge is amazing. Sorry this is an essay...and I don't assume to know you or what you are going through. I just wanted to let you know that its great you have persevered, and I hope that things get a little easier for you. You have so much to offer the world. Have a great time in Seattle. Aloha kiss
Mar 12, 2004
missd:
All over now, I am relaxing and taking my seat in front of the computer. It was a whole lot of fun though. Me 'n Hub took my grrl Annelle shooting today too. Twas her first time....ahhh the joys of fun with firearms (safely of course)
Mar 14, 2004

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