“Remember today last year?”
“No, why?” I ask it.
“Here’s a memory post fallout with Elizabeth!”
“Wait...don’t!”
“Too late LMAO!”
It’s not that bad. It was just me signing off on the entire Jaclyn/Elizabeth situation this month last year. This was before the run in, before me putting the fear of a higher power into her boyfriend, before our...reunion...before the second chapter that should not have been written, or is it simply an epilogue that will cap off things; let me turn the final page on the most toxic friendship/relationship I’ve ever been in.
Below is the entry from October 25th, 2018:
For the past couple months, I’ve been feeling fantastic. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt this way in my entire life.
Despite this truth, my mind still goes back to one of the last things I’ve ever said to you. Something I wish I could take back.
“Get out of my life.”
I’ll never be able to remove it from time, an imaginary guide that man created to make sense of the happenings around him, and while I can continuously look to the question “what could have been had I...?” it would be beyond pointless to dwell on such a thing. Whatever speculation or predictions we make, it’s up to variables that are ultimately out of our control.
There is no going back.
It had to happen. The other paths all lead to a desert that I had already been dragging myself across for a friend I was desperately trying to keep in good spirits while they fought their own demons.
My energy was gone. I had to walk away, or I would have died.
Things have changed for the better, and while I want to see you again, I personally do not see that happening. I can prelude the following with “for now,” but that would be fanning the fires of a potential false hope. So without further comment...
This is how our story ends.
- Jaclyn