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jburhite

Cedar Rapids

Member Since 2004

Followers 7 Following 20

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Thursday Sep 30, 2004

Sep 30, 2004
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Forgive me because I'm drunk:
I went to a bar tonight for a freinds birthday. I saw this cover band, Kentucky Fried Mullet, they're very entertaining. But, I still feel like I want to put a gun between my teeth. This girl, whose birthday it was, I like. We met at a freind's party once. I messed around with her, but I don't think she remembers since she didn't remember my name. I watched her make out with a guy then leave suddenly. That shit sends me in a downward spiral in a hurry. We don't know each other very well, and she doenst owe me anything, but... I don't know. Its just me I guess. I like her... she has such a beautiful smile.... she's a redhead.... I havnt taken my meds for a week for some stupid unknown reason, and I'm drunk. I'm so lonely... I just want to know someone loves me... I only have this one life, and to hurt so much is such a waste...
Maybe if I pass out I'll feel better in the morning. but it never feels better. I always feel so hollow.
my ears are ringing because of the music.
I wanna die
have you ever seen the movie, its a dutch movie, called Antonia's Line? Theres this character, kind of an intellectual, philosopher type, called Crooked Finger, and i think he may be quoting Nitchzhe o r some shit, but he says "The best thing is never to be born at all, the next best thing is to die." I think that to myself a lot.
I think I'll go throw up and then pass out.
jburhite:
God, maybe this is why I don't have a girlfriend. I'm a fucking psycho. Last night didn't seem that bad to me now. This is the reason why people with problems with depression shouldn't drink half a gallon of rum and coke (but it was mason jar night and it only costed 6 bucks) plus lots of beer. I was gonna erase this journal but I decided to leave it up for posterity or at least to let people know what kind a nut I really am. Why can't I just take my meds like I"m supposed to; becuase I'm too lazy and forgetful. The band was killer fun. They even did Ice Ice Baby, it was so cool.
Jeremiah
Oct 1, 2004

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