jayye

its hard being manic-depressive.......... sometimes im filled with so much happiness i cant even hold a conversation because I am just so excited and in love with life. literally for days after i returned home from Vegas I was still beaming with joy. Other days, like the last few days.... I can't even get out of bed. I find myself sleeping 15 hours or more a day when i'm really down. it's better than sitting around moping and being depressed I guess..... at least when i sleep i can dream (good dreams most of the time)... except for when i wake up and am bombarded by my own sad emotions...... thats when i hug my dog, roll over, and go back to sleep. i didnt have to be to work until 3:30 today. i slept until 2:30 (went to bed before midnight), shuffled into work, came home, and now im about to smoke and go to bed. its even worse when my roommates arent home. they fill me with laughs so, if nothing else, i can say at least the whole day wasn't a waste.

sometimes i just can't handle the crippling depression though.... added to the stress and misery of my current job situation and the sociopath i work for.....i can't cope. and when i get like this, the only way to ease the pain to is to do exactly what people like me are NOT supposed to do........but its like....how does one deal with things without drugs and alcohol and spontaneous/dangerous activity i wonder??