jaytan

I'm rather surprised that it's been a month since an update. Probably the longest I've gone without updating on this site. Unfortunately, there's not much worth telling you people. To say I'm lost would be quite the understatement. To say I'm fighting the good fight would be another. I'm not sure what the lesson to this whole experience is supposed to be, other than the test of what to do when plans A-Z don't work, and how to handle it. And the truth is that many other people have faced / still must face much worse than me, but this phase of my life is the culmination of about 20 years of effort. And it doesn't look like it's going to pay off. I'm not sure how to describe where I am mentally. I'm not done, but I think this phase of my life is done with me. Mentally and emotionally, I'm stronger than I ever have been in my life, but on paper, I'm also as spent, lost, frustrated, and disappointed as I ever have been in the same amount of time. I'm pretty agnostic when it comes to the idea that Someone is putting me through this, but if that's the case, its either for punishment or to teach me something. I can't think of anything I've done that had all this coming, and like I said, I'm struggling to realize the answer. More likely, however, is that this is probably just the way the dice have landed. Which sucks as well.

But Randy Couture is still the heavyweight champion of the world, so maybe there's hope for me, and us all, yet.

Word .