jaytan

Someone with a job lead called me to ask for her contact info. I gave it to them with only a brief moment of reluctancy. See, as much anger as I have, I don't want anything bad for her. She later emailed to thank me. Brief, courteous, innocent. It took me several drafts to come up with this:

Rest assured, I did this out of pity and sympathy, and despite the fact that you ignore how you shit on a friendship that we didn't have to lose, I wouldn't want the job hunt to be tougher than it has to be.

It never had to be like this. We deserved better. And simply praying for forgiveness doesn't make the hurt you've caused to just go away.

The thing that's driven my actions throughout all of this is the need to feel like I stood by my angry convictions and didn't let her off easy. I know nobody else is going to have a much of a vested interest in looking out for me, so I might as well do it, and feeling like you didn't sell yourself short is a big part of that.

Initially, I felt very justified in letting her have it, and indeed, there were harsher versions. But this is what went out and now I regret it somewhat. Like I dealt the final blow and she's definitely gone forever. Ironically enough, I'm sure I'd also regret if I hadn't sent it.

Like I said, it never had to be like this.