i wish my day today would have gone better. i've been so tough lately, and things have been going well. but the one guy who ruins my heart came into my work today. the one guy who can make my world come crashing down like no one else.....why the hell was he there. ever since i was small, he's had a knack for making this little girl cry. when he practically walked right by me with little aknowledgement, the tears started to flow, and i couldn't stop them. it breaks my heart that it's so easy for my father to push me aside. i love him so fucking much it makes me ill, but it doesn't matter. i've tried to come to terms with the fact that he and i will never be anything again. but it's still difficult, i've been struggling with it for seven years, it never gets easier. but perhaps one day it will. i need to find out what it takes to be strong in his presence. he has ruined my chances at normalcy in relationships in so many ways. but i'll break it, i'll get away one day. i hate him, and i love him in so many ways. i just need to let it go.
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pjjjj:
Wow. Without knowing the situation between you and your father, I can practically feel through the internet the pain you're in as a result of this. I doubt there's really anything I can say or write that would make things better, but I wish you nothing but the best of luck in dealing with all this.
diggity:
so many pages in my paper-journal devoted to the love and hate of my father...i think the general crappyness of dads these days (and maybe since time memorial) makes me want to work with youth. i hope you find the means to untap your strength when faced with your father.