jaybugg

I got drunk. Or rather am drunk. Been pretty much drunk all damn day in fact. (I should state I rarely drink) I was bored today so I was playing a game on facebook I haven't touched in a while. out of habit I also tried to send myself a gift from my ex fiance's account, as I used to.
Yeah don't do that. Goes right up there with don't leave a voice mail asking for your ring back.

It's a funny thing because I doubt she will believe me, nor would I even believe myself.
I am beginning to believe that I just simply must destroy everything I hold dear, or let outside forces take away what I hold dear.

It makes me wonder why I do the things I do, and if all this misery I just bring upon myself, or if it is some chemical imbalance, or if some higher purpose just deemed that I must be this way.

My own beliefs on life just feel that it is all a meaningless big joke. You just have to find the things that make you happy. I just really hope I get the punchline someday.

Until then I am just a cancer of misery.

random fact
I don't really remember my childhood. just tiny snippets. I only remember two birthdays, and I don't even remember for what age they were for. I remember my pets, mostly.
Then memories of my father kicking me across the room once.
I think I am starting to get the joke.