jaybugg

I decided that I need some form of therapy or I will self destruct.
I do not know if I am "depressed", anhedonic, or just consumed by the storm thats in my brain
Jenna calmed all of that, and though we may have had several negative emotions towards the end, I believe it was due to the situation and stress more so than us as individuals.
I wanted closure in some desperate form before I left so I left a voicemail saying we needed to talk about getting my things back to me, which hurt her, and since then I have not talked to her and have felt empty inside.

I of course regret every stressful thing I did or said, and regret even more the things I could of said or did. Then again I regret most of my life.

I need my best friend back

I am slowly being eaten away inside from not having anything to hold onto
I despise and loathe everything about me, and she was the counter to that.
And desperation leads me to say or do stupid things.

I accept what happens in life, doesn't mean I have to enjoy it, and right now I am not sure I want to enjoy anything anymore.
I've seen too much in my life, and I am too tired.

She gave me a lighter I brought with me to Florida with a Latin proverb on it
"A man is not where he lives, but where he loves"
I am scared of this because it is fairly true, and due to that, it means I am nowhere or have no where to go.

I post this here because I don't think I will be on here for a while if at all, and it's a minor catharsis to publically expose how you feel, even if no one is listening. And I do not want posts of sympathy, simply letting you know where I stand with my world right now.