jaybugg

Sunday I hit my ten year mark in the military.

So far this week while driving down here to florida and in my off time from school, I have thought of three things; School, Jenna, and my last ten years. It's a big deal because it's the halfway point of a "career" for military for us.

To be honest, in my life just like everyone there is high points, good things, and people/events that make you happy. More and more I have realized however that these are not what define you and your life. It is the sad, miserable, anxious, apathetic, etc. times that truly bring out character and challenges that help shape you. Finding someone who makes you happy won't affect you nearly as much as losing that person, however that may come.

I figured I would highlight some of my last ten years, aside from specifics about my job (since I cannot talk of it). Highs and lows, but if you notice, mostly lows, because that is what stands out, that is what changes your course.

- Entering military and becoming sober off drugs
- Watching the Twin Towers fall on Sept 11 2001
- Losing my best friend who had to choose me or her jealous bf
- Finding out the first girl I had a crush on was killed by her brother
- Getting 21 tattoos (over the whole course)
- Experiencing for the first time how someone you love can manipulate you and cheat on you easily
- Finding out a friend who is like a little sister died from a drunk driver, when they just became sober off meth and got their two kids back from services.
- Seeing overseas for the first time, went to Korea for two years.
- Iraq twice, being able to catch bad guys first hand was a highlight
- Almost earned two associates degrees
- Finding out my father is a monster and how like him I am
- My mother diagnosed with non curable lymphoma cancer
- Met and became great friends with Vanilla Ice
- Being on TV and a TV commercial for that show
- Having a secretive meth head with a bf I didn't know about give me an STD then steal from me, only to see her happily marry a year later
- Finding I have a 140 IQ base, but no strong diagnoses for my mental "problems", therefore untreatable
- Made and lost many good friends due to distance or they or myself losing interest, or just plain manipulation, people who helped change my life.
- Published in a very minor book via poem (sadly I don't have this book anymore nor know where to get it)
- Seeing our first black president
- Seeing the man responsible for the Twin Tours killed
- I have seen many new parts of the USA, and Canada I would of never seen
- Fell for my best friend and became engaged, only to lose them and have them hate me
- And now going through the hardest course of school I will ever be sent to in my career by far.

Thousands of things have happened, but those stand out the most, and they only represent the whole story of each event.

I have started to feel however, very....Tired, of this life of chaos. Just very tired of living inside this person that is me, whoever it may want to be at the time. My hands are feeling too old to do any more work. I have tried to do so much, and it still will amount to so little in this world. And I am not sure if I want that time to be held off from me much longer. When it comes, I will go alone, but not lonely.