jaybugg

That was for you, Mneylu.

I sit here, watching a movie. reviewing my life the past many,many months. It has been interesting.

New friends, old friends returned, and letting go of others. Of all, Amber was the most suprising. However the magic of what our friendship was is gone, but it is pleasent to at least occasionally talk, and see she is doing well.

I often wondered before I came here if this job was worthwhile. And it was. It has been a wonderful test for me, though not as challenging as I had hoped. But I have had the honor of working with some of the best Army Scouts, and even the Special Forces.

I will miss the hunt, despite the changed environment here.

I have discovered interesting things of people I know, and how we are connected in personality of some degree.

One is lost in life, looking for a meaning in a meaningless world.
Another searches for validty using the only things they know,
One seeks redemption
Another runs from it all
And in some form, many just slowly self destruct.

I have seen people have passing infatuations with each other, foresaking all else in life. Gross.

Further, people who do not need to breed.....breed....And they breed more stupidity. Stupid children having more stupid children. The world really needs to figure out this whole food/air deal instead of just rutting. (Thank you, Bill Hicks)

So like me these children. Yet some people I know kind of disgust me. Pathetic. Squirming sacks of meat.

I find the connection with my friend who is pondering their life the most, just due to the existential reasoning behind it all. I care them and love them to the point that I hope my belief is wrong, and they are right, so that they may be in heaven, instead of nothing and a void for a hereafter.

I have become so damn cynical and jaded.

Fishville is fun..Damn you,facebook!

So many choices for when I get back. Deffinates are California and Canada. Visits from people perhaps. School, back into martial arts.

Argentina sounds equally fun.

It makes me wonder what to do next in life. England, Japan, Afghanistan. Who knows. I am certain someday I will find the world that help defines me. Until then, I run.

I find myself less interested in passing people and relations. I just want to work on Jason's (that would be me) life, and keep most others out.

The only despondance in my life is the fact I do not even know my brother anymore. He has become just a shall of what he had potential for. He is a good man, no one can take that away from him. You do not need money and success to be that. But I honestly think within the next few years, or less..I will be giving his eulogy.

And my mother, bless her heart. She is trying so hard to make up for the past. She needs to let go and just live her life and stop seeking my approval. She has it already.

I still hate my father. Will I become that monster, as well?

The thing is..I don't even write this for "friends" on here who don't bother to read this.. I write this for myself. I find it relaxing and introspective. and if someone comments or has interest, it is all the more pleasing. Win win.