I just read @GUNNER 's post about body image. I suggest you do the same. It is very well written and beautifully honest. It made me feel better about myself because I'm turning 32 in a little over a month and I don't have my 18 year old body anymore. I have my muscle from being a mechanic but I also have lost my six pack over time and I 've been feeling kind of shitty about full body mirrors for a few years. I know it's not the same as @GUNNER but as I look back at my life I always felt like this even when I was 18 with a six pack. I'm really hard on my self. I don't know why I am . Maybe it's Lenny Kravitz .....I have loved that man's work and look my whole life. He is shaped like a rockstar because he is a rock star. I'm a healthy eater and I work out some times and ride my bike all the time. I often feel to skinny or chubby and I don't know why. I'm trying to read positive things and keep myself on a self loving path. It's hard. I wish I used the groups on SG better. I think I'll do that more now. I find my self checking my Facebook and thinking I would rather be here talking to you guys. If it wasn't for some of my best friends being only on FB I would of ditched it years ago. Also I get a lot of art sales from FB...so it's a dragon I can't yet slay.
I feel like I'm being silly. Like I have nothing to complain about. Like I'm stealing attention but I'm worried I'm just telling my self this so I never have to admit this to any one else. So I'll post this....reluctantly. I'm not good at being vulnerable. I.... I want to be strong and proud but I worry that being proud is dickish. Hmmm........by the by Phillip Seymour Hoffmen dying made me really sad. I really loved his movies and he seemed like a really tortured soul. I'm not sure that all artists aren't tortured souls. ......
We artists ...I as a artists am (cus I can't speak for us...just me) at war with my self some days. I paint sometimes just to handle panic attacks. It works out I'll admit that honestly into some beautiful work...but I'm not always sure how it ends up that way. I film them some times just to feel more attached to the work...to...I don't know.......relive the black out sort of.........I feel crazy some days.....my wife helps me a lot on those days. I want to be creative like Van Gogh but not end up like Van Gogh. The black hole of creativity can eat you.
I'm not sure how this all came together this way.
love you all
Jaws
