jasxo

So this morning I woke up to a bunch of missed phone calls and text messages from my family. I called my grandmother back and she told me that a tv reporter from Boston had called her because they had a tip that the little boys body that was found in S. Berwick looked like my son. I haven't heard from my ex since Friday and they found the boys body Saturday... So I was a little worried.. but not overly so.

But then I called the tv reporter... He told me they had more than one tip that it may be my son, and he told me their tv website to look at to see the composite sketch of the boy they had found. Taking into consideration that it is a composite sketch, it looked a little bit like my little boy. So I'm starting to panic. No one can contact my ex, so I get on a social media site to see if he's been online or see if anyone knew how to contact him... When I log on I find another message from ANOTHER tv reporter from New Hampshire... Freaking me out even more.

The story didn't really seem to fit. It was quite a ways away from where they live.. or even from where they were moving this weekend.. But still.

So I go to the dmv for my driving test. I was convinced I was going to fail.. I shouldn't have even been there. I wanted to get on a plane as soon as possible to go find my son and make sure he was okay. But I convinced myself that they're wrong and it must be another boy.

Thankfully when I finish my driving test (passed) I had a voicemail from the reporter I had spoken to earlier in the day apologizing and tell me that the state police had found my ex and my son and that he was fine. *relief*

My heart goes out to the boys family.. I hope they find out who he is soon so that they may find his family. I can't imagine how they must feel.. Judging on how I felt for those mere few hours.. I was devastated to say the least.. But knew in my heart it couldn't have been my son. I would've known.. Felt something.. You know?

But then i went to my second interview.. Still a bit shaken by the situation.. I definitely wasn't prepared to sit in front of like 3 managers and have them ask me and 2 other people questions at the same time. My answers were short and nervous. But I didn't want to make an excuse. I was so nervous I almost just walked out... I wish I could redo it... Anyways.

So today was the closest thing to the worst day of my life I would say. I don't know what I would do if I lost my son. I don't think I'd make it. All I can think about now is that poor little boy... Who could do a thing like that? It sickens me... As much as I'm happy its not my son, its still hard to hear the story. Just knowing some other mom out there is missing her little boy.. and that she might not even know what happened yet.. I just can't imagine..

Sorry for the depressing stuff. I just needed to get it all out.