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jarfmonster

washington twp, nj

Member Since 2005

Followers 41 Following 52

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Monday Jul 14, 2008

Jul 14, 2008
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I'm a hypochondriac.

There I said it.

But I feel a ton better now. I finally found something that talked about it. Friends and family would dismiss my claims of having hypochondriasis. It didn't help my situation any. I consider hypochondria a disease; a mental one, but still a disease. It got really bad once I turned 20, which I found out through my research is when most people get hypochondria. And actually once I started at Rowan it went away. It was actually really nice. I didn't even notice it. But recently I've been suffering bad.

I'm sure many of you could imagine, but some may not know what it is like to constantly be worrying. Good health is all I ask for. Let me die of old old age. I don't care if I'm alone and poor, let me live a long life. The cigarette I'm smoking isn't going to help in that area, but a boy can dream, lol.

I was researching and actually came upon a really good article on WebMD (my parents actually blocked it from my browsers a couple years back). It was the first article I've read online that really connected with me. It was written by a doctor, and it described me to a certain point. There's a new term "cyberchondriac" which sounds geeky, but it's true, I am one! I have a small symptom, go on WebMD and I usually end up worrying I have some horrible rare disease that can't be cured. But like I said, I don't go to the doctors every day and I don't get useless tests upon tests.

This is what I'm talking about...

About a month ago I had a cold. Coughing, sneezing, runny nose, etc. Your classic cold. But those same benign symptoms of a cold are also the symptoms for all kinds of major diseases. So as a hypochondriac I didn't believe I just had a cold, I believed I had a life-threatening illness. I didn't go to the doctors. I just suffered. The article though told me pretty much what I wanted to heard. The author nailed it on the head... "A stomach ache is cancer, a headache is a brain tumor." That's the type of shit I put myself through. It really is a nightmare. Is it my fear of death? Most likely.

Then the article gave me some possible reasons. Depression and anxiety can cause hypochondriasis. I've battled depression for years, and just recently have been suffering anxiety attacks (which by the way resembles a heart attack).

Would I love to not worry, be able to go places without worrying about falling ill? Yes! I recently went down the shore for a night and day. I couldn't stop worrying. I wasn't around my parents... I knew where I was very well, but it didn't matter. I was an hour from home, I was worried. It kinda ruined the trip for me although I didn't let that be known to anyone. There is treatment though, antidepressants. And I don't want anything to do with antidepressants. I took Wellbutrin when I quit smoking for a year, I hated it. I like my neurotransmitters how they are!

What to do... would getting rid of my depression get rid of my hypochondria?

Ah life's eternal struggles.

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