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jarelshow

Member Since 2002

Followers 2 Following 2

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Monday Sep 30, 2002

Sep 30, 2002
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feeling slow. feeling dumb. going to go shower and paint. not in the shower, after the shower.

must sacrifice my head for my (he)art. love to all.

I am her slave, but she does loves me. and that's why it hurts. she's my mirrior, to "find out". she wakes me. fills with guilt, then releases pressure. dumb and slow. dumb and slow. want to cry but cannot. want to die.... but...... cannot. you. me........ me me...you. I will, for you..... er, me?...........you?


in the confusion of being so deep, he became shallow.
jarelshow:
I have the fear. last night. as soon as I had fallen into slumber, I was "awakend" by something trying to steal me, my spirit/body/mind. paralyzed. trying to fight it off. trying to wake, to get out of this outer body experience. I can "see" my darkend room but cannot escape this "ghost". I tried to scream help to my mother, but found that I could not even breath. I try my hardest to wake and finally do. to find my body drenched in sweat. and a fear of falling asleep again. this has happened before but never this intense. and it kept happening all night. falling to sleep to be woken up by this eerie presence. this happened three to four times. and each lasted about an hour to a hour and a half. it started filling my mind with falsehoods. a kind of false reality. I thought spiders were going to attack me as I slept. I thought everyone was against me, and trying to steal me. I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight. because if this goes on again. I might be too weak to fight, and it might just take me. everyone be safe and much love. do not feel sorry for me. for this is supposed to happen. I don't know why? but it has happened , it is happening, and it's going to happen. the omniscient knows my breaking point. will it test it again tonight? I'll find out soon enough.

oh and I thought of a question last night, a strange question that includes everyone and everything.

it's hard being the center of the cosmos,
wouldn't you agree?

love to all. and all to love. xoxo
Oct 1, 2002
jarelshow:
whoa guys slow down on the submits
Oct 2, 2002

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