Alrite so my ipod has crashed, lost 27Gs of music, computer crashed a month ago, lost all my info, phone has broken for the 3rd time this past weekend, and honestly for all the advances in technology i feel less than impressed. Sure there are plenty of people who call themselves "Technicians" but fuck them the only thing they know how to do is take the battery out of whatever device you own, blow on it and put it back in. They were trained in the SNES method. Sure that helped me get Turtles in Time to work again, but honestly if you dont think i've fucking tried this than you're a fucking idiot. That was one of the better Ninja Turtles games though i mean come on. Anyway Super Nintendo games aside, i want to stop and analyze this entire system.
1) Because we live in such a modern online world these days your first choice will be the internet tech support. Which is completely useless because honestly the so called "Frequently Asked Questions" are for the people who havent tried taking the battery out and blowing on it. The email your question in approach is actually more harm than good because not only do you never get a response but you are also opening yourself up to virus's which due to excessive porn viewing i have enough of, and therefore do not need more. So rite there we have cut down the first step in the process.
2) Now you move on to the phone call, which if you can actually manage to find the number on the website because really with such great online support who needs phone lines, than you can have the pleasure of chatting it up with these lovely people. Generally they will ask you a series of automated questions and BS, as well as boasting about the amazing website they have, skip this and hit 0, usually every menu has a 0 option just get rite to the person. Than if you are connected to a station in a country that might understand a shred of english, you might be able to tell them your problem. But some may charge you an excessive amount to get this phone support. FUCK YOU its your product fix this piece of shit, i'm talking to you IMB and Blackberry. NO i am not paying you. FIX IT!
If they are nice enough to be giving this advice out for free, than first what was that they wanted you to do, oh rite "Can you go ahead and take the battery out, give it a little dusting or blow on it and put that back for me." Ohhhhhhh there it goes my problem is solved, that trojan virus was just blown rite away. Screw you people i'm hanging up now.
3) Now that you've spent 3 and a half hours on the phone and still have a broken product and an indent where the phone was wedged into your cheek, you can go to the store, fortunately i live in New York City and we have a store for everything. Now we're gonna break this category into sub groups of staff:
a) The Elite Class: These people are better than you and your problem is truly not worth consideration, I'm talking to YOU APPLE STORE EMPLOYEES! Its not just them but those fucking hipsters god they piss me off. These are the people who just automatically assume that your product is unfixable and therefore should be thrown out and a new one should be purchased. ITS THAT FUCKING SIMPLE!
b)The 2 Week Program Grads: Congrats on your little printable diploma from the great people at Verizon or Trainee Tech School, or whatever handbook you had to read to get this desk job making 9 dollars an hour,but honestly that doesn't flat out qualify you to fix my phone. These are the lead users of the SNES system of fixing. And after they have turned your device on and off and hooked it to a wall charger, they're sending you to the tech support phone service. DUMBASS i was on the phone, they didnt help, i came to you.
c) The Actual Help: I couldn't leave these people out because honestly there are a few people out there who know what they're talking about. And even if they can't fix it they gave it a good effort and show you some sympathy.
4) This is the mail your product to god knows where stage, you may get your device back you may get a new one, its out of your hands, will i have to wait for this package? YES Will i get it on a specific day? NO But fuck i didn't need my phone who uses those things anyway. Yeah once that thing is in a box you can subject the following weeks to working everything in your life around UPS and FedEx in the hope that if your package is coming than you will be home for it, but usually you'll miss it and than have to fight with the lovely people down at the station after showing them more info than is required for a gun permit, they might give it to you. And there you go your product is good as new, excatly good as new, with none of the data or info you wanted to save. Thanks Tech Support. WINK
Thank you all for reading and putting up with this rant it is one of many but i felt that with proper organization it could be helpful in the acceptance that your product is BROKEN! It will never be FIXED! and the sooner you accept that the less angry you will be.
ENJOY
1) Because we live in such a modern online world these days your first choice will be the internet tech support. Which is completely useless because honestly the so called "Frequently Asked Questions" are for the people who havent tried taking the battery out and blowing on it. The email your question in approach is actually more harm than good because not only do you never get a response but you are also opening yourself up to virus's which due to excessive porn viewing i have enough of, and therefore do not need more. So rite there we have cut down the first step in the process.
2) Now you move on to the phone call, which if you can actually manage to find the number on the website because really with such great online support who needs phone lines, than you can have the pleasure of chatting it up with these lovely people. Generally they will ask you a series of automated questions and BS, as well as boasting about the amazing website they have, skip this and hit 0, usually every menu has a 0 option just get rite to the person. Than if you are connected to a station in a country that might understand a shred of english, you might be able to tell them your problem. But some may charge you an excessive amount to get this phone support. FUCK YOU its your product fix this piece of shit, i'm talking to you IMB and Blackberry. NO i am not paying you. FIX IT!
If they are nice enough to be giving this advice out for free, than first what was that they wanted you to do, oh rite "Can you go ahead and take the battery out, give it a little dusting or blow on it and put that back for me." Ohhhhhhh there it goes my problem is solved, that trojan virus was just blown rite away. Screw you people i'm hanging up now.
3) Now that you've spent 3 and a half hours on the phone and still have a broken product and an indent where the phone was wedged into your cheek, you can go to the store, fortunately i live in New York City and we have a store for everything. Now we're gonna break this category into sub groups of staff:
a) The Elite Class: These people are better than you and your problem is truly not worth consideration, I'm talking to YOU APPLE STORE EMPLOYEES! Its not just them but those fucking hipsters god they piss me off. These are the people who just automatically assume that your product is unfixable and therefore should be thrown out and a new one should be purchased. ITS THAT FUCKING SIMPLE!
b)The 2 Week Program Grads: Congrats on your little printable diploma from the great people at Verizon or Trainee Tech School, or whatever handbook you had to read to get this desk job making 9 dollars an hour,but honestly that doesn't flat out qualify you to fix my phone. These are the lead users of the SNES system of fixing. And after they have turned your device on and off and hooked it to a wall charger, they're sending you to the tech support phone service. DUMBASS i was on the phone, they didnt help, i came to you.
c) The Actual Help: I couldn't leave these people out because honestly there are a few people out there who know what they're talking about. And even if they can't fix it they gave it a good effort and show you some sympathy.
4) This is the mail your product to god knows where stage, you may get your device back you may get a new one, its out of your hands, will i have to wait for this package? YES Will i get it on a specific day? NO But fuck i didn't need my phone who uses those things anyway. Yeah once that thing is in a box you can subject the following weeks to working everything in your life around UPS and FedEx in the hope that if your package is coming than you will be home for it, but usually you'll miss it and than have to fight with the lovely people down at the station after showing them more info than is required for a gun permit, they might give it to you. And there you go your product is good as new, excatly good as new, with none of the data or info you wanted to save. Thanks Tech Support. WINK
Thank you all for reading and putting up with this rant it is one of many but i felt that with proper organization it could be helpful in the acceptance that your product is BROKEN! It will never be FIXED! and the sooner you accept that the less angry you will be.
ENJOY
vivian:
You have to make a sacrifice to the electronics gods. Then your stuff will stop breaking