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januar

is not San Francisco. but i really wish it was.

Member Since 2005

Followers 44 Following 111

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Thursday Apr 07, 2005

Apr 7, 2005
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so ... the Gypsy said he would take my SG member picture. now all i have to do is lose 400 pounds and figure out what to wear. neat. course, he could be lying ...

in other news ... my best friend has this way fun tendency to accuse me of being weak or a whore or stupid or whatever based on mistakes i no longer make. it really can bring you down, though, when you're trying to live your life the right way. all of these lonely nights are supposed to be rewarding somehow, right? "at least i'm not fucking up my life!", you would think ...

(sigh) ... the time to snap out of this funk is NOW.

there. all better. in a fake sort of way. rock on.
lorentz:
I wonder if your best friend really held any ill thoughts towards you at all. I wonder if you even took the time or effort to address with your best friend whether these accusations, as you perceive them to be, are what they seem to be? I wonder, because I wonder why they'd be your best friend if that was the case? I've had few best friends in my life, because they're only known when they come to love you more than themselves, and it doesn't happen very often.

You see, Januar, when you find that person... there are no secrets. They'll know you at times better than you know yourself. They know all your quirks, your aches and pains, and they know how to make you smile. And they've accepted it all into their own lives in order to share all of that with you. Whether it's bad grammer or weekend laziness.

I've put myself out there for my best friend. In the face of absolutely knowing my feelings were not returned, I felt it worth while to let her know what she meant to me. I felt it worth while to stay, even when it hurt that she loved so many others less worthy. And there's not a thing I wouldn't have done for her, not a thing I haven't.

So what is this really about? Because I guarantee you the only reason your friend would ever want to leave, is if they had to see you sad. And since everyone has such a difficult time accepting happiness, especially an SG girl, I bet he has to leave often. If you'd like to believe your best friend would let you down just because most everyone else has, then that's your choice. But if he can't stand to stick around and watch you cry because of thoughts he never held and pain he never meant to give, then you've lost much more than a few tears.

I wish you happiness. I hope you find it. I al-ways have. I'm sorry I can't do this anymore.
Apr 7, 2005
escottie:
the picture of you and mugs could make a person cry. blush
Apr 7, 2005

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