janegeraldine

This morning was the fifth in a row that I was still wake to see the sun come up. I have sat outside throughout the night every night this week and have seen Orion's Belt and The Big Dipper in every conceivable position in the sky. I don't even lie in bed and watch tv now because I just don't care. I have lost five pounds this week due to five days of constant wakefulness and activity. I cannot lie down, I don't want to be up. I see the same images in my mind over and over. I sat for an hour late last night staring at a bottle of sleeping pills wondering how many I could take without actually dying. I have been hallucinating smells and tastes since sometime yesterday and all day today have heard a clicking sound, kind of the blinker of a car. This doesn't really bother me, yet disconcerts me. I HATE the person who did this to me, yet I can't help but want to take the blame. I asked myself how I feel about this and if I think I will ever be able to sleep again, and the only thing I could come up with was a quote from the movie Groundhog Day...

"I'll give you a winter prediction: it's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's going to last you the rest of your life."

I REALLY need to cuddle.