janananicole

My boyfriend was committed to a psych ward last night. He's on suicide watch. I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. The only thing I can put into words is complete shock. When he came down last weekend I knew things were getting worse, and I called him mom about it, but I had no idea he was that bad. I saw him yesterday morning. I was really frustrated with him because we'd been together for almost 9 months and he isn't going to school and doesn't have a job. I made him turn in 10 applications before he could come see me, and now I feel SO guilty because I could've made it worse. I don't know what to do now. He's in the hospital, and I'm in school 2 hours away. I skipped class today to go up and visit with him (but mostly for his mom, who is beyond freaked out) for an hour.... during visitation. I talked to him on the phone last night and he seemed okay, he said he was just sleeping a lot. I'm so worried, all I can do is smoke cigarettes and eat ice cream. I feel so selfish, he spent 3 or 4 months taking care of me when I was 'sick' (which = severe depression) and was so patient and caring with me and now I can't be the same way with him, I just get frustrated. I feel like such a bad person. We used to joke with each other about how he had such a CRAZY girlfriend (lol I am bipolar), but I guess we're both crazy now. I hope he's not in the hospital for very long, for everyone's sakes. I'm sure being in a psych ward can't be too comforting for him, and his mother would probably have a stroke and I would eat myself into oblivion. This week isn't going so well....