jamwise

I've become completely unmotivated. I guess this is plenty evident from how rarely I actually write in this thing anymore. I also seem to just completely lack creative energy this year, which has made going to a very artsy based photography college 4 days a week for 6 months now kinda interesting.

Several weeks back I actually told one of my teachers, Marcus, that I was seriously considering quitting, but that I was also freaked out at the idea of going back to doing nothing again even if just for a few weeks until I find a job. The most utterly depressing time in my life was the couple of years between high school and being at PIC where I had nothing to get up for in the morning and the thought of going back to that really terrified me. His solution to me was that I should continue coming to classes but, in his words, "Fuck the assignments and fuck the diploma." So for now until I guess the end of the year that's what I'm doing. Spending my days at photo school in Hawthorn but not worrying about the required work. Just using it as a place to learn a bit and make use of the facilities, and if I can manage to squeeze out some artistic juices over this next term hopefully show some work off that I'm actually proud of too.

I need new friends. There's a lot of people I like a lot at PIC but I get at this point that I'm never gonna be friends as such with any of them. I think my video game & comic book nerdlyness combined with the fact that they all know I really don't have a passion for photography and came into this course with next to no knowledge about it all has kinda made me into that guy. You know, the oddball in the classroom that you're nice to and who is kinda fun to talk to sometimes because he's amusingly weird, but that you really don't have anything in common with or really wanna spend a whole lotta time hanging out with outside of the place. I love my circle of friends to death but after nearly 5 years of hanging with the same small group of people one does start to get a bit restless.

I desperately need a job and badly need to move out of this house. The negative vibes here are doing my head in and I haven't felt relaxed while around this place in a good long while now. I still have nobody to move out with though and the thought of moving in with randoms kinda freaks me out.

I guess that about does it for now. My three weeks of holidays end and school starts back again Thursday so we'll see how things go hey.