jamesriot

"And believe these words you hear, When you think your path is clear... you have no control."

Sage words from Greg "James-worships-me-like-a-god" Graffin. I've been listening to that whole album a lot lately. I just bought a new copy of it (my old one was so worn-out it wouldn't play anymore), and I realize that "no Control" could very well be my theme song these days. It's really very funny when you realize how many things we have no control over. There's also a certain amount of relief that, I think, comes with that realization. Case in point: here on SG. Most of the people I was friendly with here are gone. There's a whole lot of grey names up on my friends list, aren't there?
Also, my girlfriend's mom. Hates me. Far as she's concerned, I'm the heathenistic, slacker punk she's tried to keep her daughter away from her whole life and I'll just drag her down with me. Admittedly, she's half-right. I AM a heathenistic punk. I'm not, so much anymore, a slacker. I work my ass off and try very hard to accomplish something with my artwork. I've travelled the world on my own dime, met interesting people, had a very brief stint in the military, and even did a year or so of charity work. Now, does she see this or even care? No. I'm not outwardly what she'd like to see, so WHAM! On the "Dislike and make life difficult" list. Something I cannot control. Gotten used to it. In realizing that I cannot control this (as of yet...or probably ever), it's enabled me to stop being constantly stressed and pissed off about it and probably forming an ulcer between that and my drinking(the frequent bouts of profanity in private about the situation notwithstanding). Another thing I cannot directly control at the moment is that I'm waiting to hear from F.I.T. if I got in. I hate waiting. Besides Advanced Physics, it's probably the thing I'm the worst at. Yet, here I am. Waiting. Normally, this would drive me nuts. But you know what? I have no control now. So I'm just gonna sit back and see what happens. Relief from realization.

Where am I going with this? How the fuck should I know.I just work here. I just sort of sit down if I feel like it and type whatever comes to mind. It's easier to type this crap out in a blog that no one reads than to talk to anyone about it. Talking is over-rated, I think. At least sometimes. For the most part, all it does is give someone else something they can use against you later on. Here, on the internet we all depend on so badly, you can delete things and say they were never there. That's a cool thought. You can edit/undo your life . Too bad that doesn't work so well in the real world. That's probably why so many of us hide here on the 'net. Whether it be here, or my favorite corners of the internet : DeviantArt and SuicideGirls. You get to "hang" with a bunch of like-minded people who also have nothing better to do at that given moment than sit at their computer screens and talk to strangers.



So...um...stay in school, don't take candy from strangers, and always leave a good tip even if the service is lousy.