Nobody said it was easy, but noone ever said it would be so hard.
I think (I'm not sure) that I'm on day 5 of cannabis withdrawal.
The mood instabilities are settling somewhat, bu they're still there. I'm relying very heavily on my family and friends to get me through this. The lows are getting less pronounced, and the other extreme is getting pretty good. I don't feel like the happiness I've found is leaving. I always knew it was real, and this has proved it to me. I am avoiding siruations that get me down. (and there are a couple of those at the minute) although work is pretty hard going, because I'm not busy so I have too much time to think. IT's like, if I start thinknng about stuff, my mood just plummets, and *boom* depression.
Gareth came over the shop yesterday and say witth me for a few hours. I talked with him about some stuff and he gave me some good advice, which has put me on a better plane with certain things. He told me that my hopes didn't make me a bastard, just determined. I'm a patient man. I can wait this out, and not let it get to me. I've accepted certain situatuons for a while, but it still hurts when tehy are confirmed in front of your eyes, you know?
Had a bit of a chat with my boss, Andy, too, and he told me some things that made me feel a lot more positive too. He has the benefit of a lot of experience with these things and is a good source of wisdom. (which, incidentally , is his surname!)
sample quote: "do they know what they' do to us? yes. Do they give a shit? probably not."
My dad has been wonderful too. I was frightenend that he would be angry with me, but he accepted the situation and just wants to do everything he can to help me.
Physically my body is recovering slowly, but my appetite is still fucked. I can't eat solid foods at all, so I'm living off fruit smoothies and chicken noodle soup.
I haven't smoked a joint yet, although I've been tempted, I'm just not sure whether it'd start the withdrawal all over again from the beginning, and I don't want that to happen. I'm going to leave it at least a month until I smoke up again, and then It's only going to be with mates. Luckily, Gareth is off drugs at the minute too, due to certain issues that they were causing him, so the oppurtunity for sessions is going to be a way off.
I've started smoking more cigarettes. I didn't smoke any while I was stoning, but I figure, one addiction at a time, right? I'm not back on 20 a day or anything, just a few rollies through the day, to replace that joint tobacco.
I had a massive clear out of my room last night. I threw away 3 bin bags full of stuff that I was just keeping out of habit. plus 3 years worth of Bizarre magazine. My personal space feels a bit less crowded, and that's helped brighten up my spirits a bit. My room's only tiny, so it gets crowded really easily. However, it has made me realise just how few clothes I own.
5 t-shits (all faded to shit)
2 pairs of jeans (old and too big for me now)
assorted underwear
2 shirts
1 suit
1 leather coat (knackered)
1 pair trainers (bit tattered)
So I'm going on a clothes buying mission on tuesday, I think. I'll get my grandma to take me to Milton Keynes and I'll buy some decent clothes, to help me create the new me a bit more.
Wow. I've poured my brain out a bit here, but I guess that's good. I'm going to be a lot more sociable soon, I feel. I've withdrawn into my own bubble the last few months, and I'm ready to come out of it now and make some friends!
Well, hope everyone's doing well, and I'll try and comment on all your journals sometime in the nex few days. Cheers!
I think (I'm not sure) that I'm on day 5 of cannabis withdrawal.
The mood instabilities are settling somewhat, bu they're still there. I'm relying very heavily on my family and friends to get me through this. The lows are getting less pronounced, and the other extreme is getting pretty good. I don't feel like the happiness I've found is leaving. I always knew it was real, and this has proved it to me. I am avoiding siruations that get me down. (and there are a couple of those at the minute) although work is pretty hard going, because I'm not busy so I have too much time to think. IT's like, if I start thinknng about stuff, my mood just plummets, and *boom* depression.
Gareth came over the shop yesterday and say witth me for a few hours. I talked with him about some stuff and he gave me some good advice, which has put me on a better plane with certain things. He told me that my hopes didn't make me a bastard, just determined. I'm a patient man. I can wait this out, and not let it get to me. I've accepted certain situatuons for a while, but it still hurts when tehy are confirmed in front of your eyes, you know?
Had a bit of a chat with my boss, Andy, too, and he told me some things that made me feel a lot more positive too. He has the benefit of a lot of experience with these things and is a good source of wisdom. (which, incidentally , is his surname!)
sample quote: "do they know what they' do to us? yes. Do they give a shit? probably not."
My dad has been wonderful too. I was frightenend that he would be angry with me, but he accepted the situation and just wants to do everything he can to help me.
Physically my body is recovering slowly, but my appetite is still fucked. I can't eat solid foods at all, so I'm living off fruit smoothies and chicken noodle soup.
I haven't smoked a joint yet, although I've been tempted, I'm just not sure whether it'd start the withdrawal all over again from the beginning, and I don't want that to happen. I'm going to leave it at least a month until I smoke up again, and then It's only going to be with mates. Luckily, Gareth is off drugs at the minute too, due to certain issues that they were causing him, so the oppurtunity for sessions is going to be a way off.
I've started smoking more cigarettes. I didn't smoke any while I was stoning, but I figure, one addiction at a time, right? I'm not back on 20 a day or anything, just a few rollies through the day, to replace that joint tobacco.
I had a massive clear out of my room last night. I threw away 3 bin bags full of stuff that I was just keeping out of habit. plus 3 years worth of Bizarre magazine. My personal space feels a bit less crowded, and that's helped brighten up my spirits a bit. My room's only tiny, so it gets crowded really easily. However, it has made me realise just how few clothes I own.
5 t-shits (all faded to shit)
2 pairs of jeans (old and too big for me now)
assorted underwear
2 shirts
1 suit
1 leather coat (knackered)
1 pair trainers (bit tattered)
So I'm going on a clothes buying mission on tuesday, I think. I'll get my grandma to take me to Milton Keynes and I'll buy some decent clothes, to help me create the new me a bit more.
Wow. I've poured my brain out a bit here, but I guess that's good. I'm going to be a lot more sociable soon, I feel. I've withdrawn into my own bubble the last few months, and I'm ready to come out of it now and make some friends!
Well, hope everyone's doing well, and I'll try and comment on all your journals sometime in the nex few days. Cheers!