james_

I used to post about my life on here, I stopped for a while because It was stressful enough for me just living my life, let alone writing about it too. Well, here goes nothing.

Over the past two years I've been through what I can only describe as a fucking nightmare. I don't want to dwell on the details of it but it started with a nervous breakdown and ended with a complete meltdown. In the intervening time I had fun times with a girl that turned into a headfuck of the highest order, one of my friends died, I lost 3 jobs, all with no prior notice, all around christmas time and someone with whom i'd had a long and dramatic friendship cut all ties. Most of that was 2005.

2006 was the year of anxiety for me. I have spent 11 long months fighting an enemy that has no logic. An insidious worry that won't go away. I have hidden myself from everyone, trying to avoid getting hurt but all that's happened is I've lost all social skills I once had. I got sacked last week for being unnapproachable and volatile, although I had not Idea I was behaving this way, I was just aware of being very anxious.

I don't feel like myself anymore. I used to be happy, used to be articulate and lntelligent, kind and generous. Now I feel bitter and angry. Resentful. I can't stand the company of other people for more than a few minutes, and I've got nothing to say to anyone. Not that anyone is there to listen, so successfully have I isolated myself.

I just can't find the way back to being me.